Christian Bale, movies, music

Why We’re Moving To Pittsburgh

From WTAE in Pittsburgh:

PITTSBURGH — An open casting call for extras in the upcoming Batman film The Dark Knight Rises is set for June, according to SWD Casting.

The filmmakers are looking for extras to play as “victims and perpetrators… within a city besieged by crime and corruption.”

We can play victims and perpetrators! One of us would also gladly play Bruce Wayne’s love interest! If, say, that were also available as an extra part.

My my, you’re one tasty victim and/or perpetrator. What brings you to this city besieged by crime and corruption?

x

The truth, of course, is that we’re not leaving Ohio. There’s so much to love about Ohio. Have you heard about our prestigious big time college football program in Columbus, Ohio? Oh, you have? Oh right.

Hey, you know who’s awesome? This guy. (He doesn’t have much to do with Ohio, but we love him regardless.)

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Christian Bale, movies

Live-Blogging the 2011 Oscars!

Once again, Erin is kicking things off until Ben gets home. But first, a couple things of note.

1) Erin is going on day ten of being sick. She has been to the doctor, taken off work, gone back to work, been on the mend, then off the mend, to an Urgent Care center, and finally, thankfully, on drugs which have promised her health at some point in the near future. Hopefully.

2) She’s just taken her evening dose of antibiotic as well as a cough suppressant with a sleep aid, so this little venture in typing keys may end on the soon side.

3) Erin has an ear infection, like the one that babies and small children get, and can’t hear a whole lot of her right ear. Everything is muffled and extremely irritating. Therefore, she has the closed captioning on.

7:37 p.m.: Scarlet Johansson is STUNNING. Very pretty shade of purple, and I may be the only woman in America who doesn’t hate Scarlet.

7:42: Annette Bening is boring. Graham cracker and nose-blow break.

7:43: Valentino is orange. Also, his tongue is hanging out of his mouth a la serpent. Poor Anne Hathaway.

7:49: Folks, sorry, I’ve got nothing but snot and half-hearted hearing going on in this noggin of mine. You’ll have to wait for Ben to come home.

9:06: Ben comes home to find Erin passed out under a towering pile of Kleenex and crinkled graham cracker wrappings. Scooter Thomas’ water dish is full of NyQuil. Ben rustles Erin. “I’m sorry I failed you,” she says of her live-blogging. “But I felt like every keystroke was eating a piece of my brain.” It’s OK, honey. But I’m alarmed that Scooter Thomas is chain-smoking and doing charcoal sketches of Javier Bardem.

9:14: Aaron Sorkin wins for best adapted screenplay. He describes what it was like to chisel the screenplay for The Social Network into the stone tablets handed to him by God.

9:19: David Seidler accepts the Oscar for Original Screenplay for King’s Speech. Melissa Leo won Best Supporting Actress. That makes us 4-for-4 in the predictions department. Sam’s college tuition is riding on this.

9:25: Susanne Bier accepts for Best Foreign Film. We have not seen In A Better World but we did see After The Wedding, and it’s great. If Erin thought she had even a chance with Mads Mikkelsen, it’d be all over for Ben.

9:31: “If anyone beats Christian I’d be okay with Tear Drop,” Erin says of John Hawkes. But it’s Christian. Bale stands up and smooches his wife. “What a hooker,” Erin says.

9:32: CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:33: Erin receives eight texts at once from all her Bale groupies. Our phone bill is going to be through the roof.

9:43: Trent Reznor wins for The Social Network in the Best Original Score category. Hans Zimmer narrowly misses Trent’s jugular with his poison blow dart.

9:46: Matthew McConaughey appears to have used Crisco in place of shampoo this morning.

9:52: Matthew Leathers tweets that he’s “genuinely upset” for Hans Zimmer. We don’t let terrorist sympathizers on our blogroll, Matthew. Goodbye, Mindless Comfort.

9:56: Seconds after saying that a clip from The Wolfman was “gross,” Cate Blanchett announces that the film has won for Best Makeup. She appears to be dry-heaving during the acceptance speech. We’re five-for-five, by the way.

10:03: Apparently Kevin Spacey is jealous he did not get nominated for Best Song in a Motion Picture this year. Tone it down, Kev.

10:09: Non-Oscar news: Kevin Love had a 37-23 against the Warriors today. What if Utah had snagged him from Minnesota instead of Al Jefferson? I’ve lost sleep over this. Really.

10:13: Amy Adams has difficulty opening the envelope for Best Documentary Short Subject. Reese Witherspoon had trouble too. Is the Academy worried someone will sneak a peek before the presenters open it onstage? Or is it pranking the presenters?

10:17: Woody does Auto-Tune. This is a low point.

10:20: Cameras cut to crowd shot of the Coen brothers. They appear to have been offended by the Auto-Tune as well.

10:22: Charles Ferguson wins for Best Documentary (Inside Job) and keeps it real, calling out the bankers. He’s going to get mugged by Lloyd Blankfein the next time he goes to the ATM.

10:39: Today at work I got the dreaded “Where is your non-fiction section?” I’m sorry, but I need a little button with this bird on it.

Judgmental Bookseller Ostrich - wheres nonfiction see the fiction sectio..

Put a bird on it!

10:44: Do you just rent Gwyneth Paltrow out for awards shows and “Glee” episodes? Is that how that works? This song is not nearly as good as the one where she was wearing ten inch heels.

10:53: R.I.P., Frank Drebin. I’m sorry you had to be memorialized by Celine Dion.

10:56: Scooter Thomas appears to have come down off his NyQuil high. He’s currently making God’s Eyes with used popsicle sticks and rainbow yarn again. I’m worried.

11:01: How many Bothans died to pull off all these costume changes for Anne Hathaway?

11:02: First (maybe only) surprise of the night: Tom Hooper gets Best Director for King’s Speech. Our streak is over. But Best Picture is a lock. Put a bird on it!

11:05: Did someone tell Annette Bening to dress for a “Battlestar Galactica” episode?

11:12: We can’t tell if Warren Beatty is a wax figure or not. By the way, he’s had sex with eight different women since the festivities began tonight. And he hasn’t even left his seat.

11:16: Natalie Portman wins Best Actress for Black Swan. What did she follow that up with? No Strings Attached, Your Highness and Thor. Natalie, Halle Berry is on line one for you.

11:24: Sandra Bullock delivers this nugget: “Actors act.” Mind-blowing, Sandra. (Or should we say, “Sandra. Sandra.”)

11:27: Colin Firth wins Best Actor. It’s raining men.

11:34: The fact that they’re playing Colin Firth’s speech over the montage of other Best Picture nominees? Yeah, that’s called foreshadowing.

11:41: King’s Speech takes Best Picture and thousands of schoolchildren in neon clothing bum rush the stage to sing “Over The Rainbow.” All the girls think James Franco is handsome but are leery of his fake arm. All the boys cannot believe they are in such close proximity to Anne Hathaway’s breasts.

Christian Bale, movies

The Fighter – Good. Christian Bale – GREAT.

Even when he’s not trying to be hot, he’s hot.

x

[In the car on the way home from The Fighter.]

BEN: So, rank The Fighter in the pantheon of Christian Bale movies for me.

ERIN: It was great. He was great.

BEN: That’s it? That’s all you have to say?

ERIN: He’s just so intense.

BEN: When he carried that cake all the way around Lowell, I’ll bet the script said, “DICKIE carries the cake very intensely.”

ERIN: Christian reportedly lost weight to achieve the very thin frame of Dickie Ecklund by eating very little. He even went missing for hours at a time in preparation for his role.

BEN: You’re quoting straight from imdb again, aren’t you?

ERIN: Matt Damon and Brad Pitt were previously attached to play Dick Ecklund, but they would’ve been a disgrace.

BEN: Are you telling me that even as a pokey-framed, motor-mouthed crack addict with awful teeth and a giant bald spot, Christian Bale is still a handsome man?

ERIN: Is that a real question?

BEN: So it would be attractive to you if I had bug eyes, crack teeth and regularly jumped out of second story windows?

ERIN: As attractive as me looking like one of Micky’s sisters?

BEN: They were some fine lookin’ ladies.

ERIN: Boxing is such a dumb sport. It takes a good movie for me to care about boxing. Did anyone else from the movie win a Golden Globe besides Christian?

BEN: Melissa Leo did. She kind of looked like a less crazy Amy Sedaris playing Jerry Blank from “Strangers With Candy.”

ERIN: If we had been extras in that movie, the best roles would have been the snooty couple going to see Belle Epoque.

BEN: Belly E-pock!

ERIN: Bella E-packy!

BEN: Bellllllllllle e-pock-ayyy!

ERIN: Maybe you should concentrate on driving, monsieur.

BEN: Are you aware of the Christian Bale/Kermit the Frog thing floating around the Internet?

ERIN: What Christian Bale/Kermit the Frog thing.

BEN: Like how Christian Bale totally looked like Kermit the Frog at the Golden Globes.

ERIN: He did not totally look like Kermit at the Golden Globes.

BEN: See for yourself.

ERIN: That’s ridiculous. They look nothing alike.

BEN: What about this one?

ERIN: You can’t even tell that’s Christian Bale.

BEN: Can you tell this is Christian Bale?

ERIN: Really? Are you being serious?

BEN: No, this is serious.

ERIN: Look, you could take any celebrity and pick any random picture of him and then take a stupid puppet and pose him pretty much the same way and THAT DOESN’T MEAN the two look alike.

BEN: Are you offended by these comparisons? And did you just call Kermit stupid?

ERIN: This is stupid.

BEN: Is this stupid?

ERIN: You’re stupid.

BEN: I’m stupid? Or this is stupid?

ERIN: I’m revoking your Internet access.

BEN: One more.

ERIN: You wasted it.

BEN: You’re right.

ERIN: Did you just upload a picture of Wilford Brimley and a cat in a cowboy hat?

BEN: Or did I just upload a picture of Mr. Bean and an owl?

ERIN: You are scraping the bottom of the barrel. This is truly the lowest form of humor and a disgrace to our names.

BEN: More so than this?

ERIN: It’s like you’ve just discovered Internet search engines or something. This is imbecilic.

BEN: More so than this?

ERIN: If you’re subscribing to the humor curve right now, thinking if you keep posting asinine pictures of celebrities next to animals long enough that it’ll start being funny again, I have sad news for you: It was never funny in the first place. The elementary school readership of this blog may be laughing right now. But everyone else is permanently blocking our site until the end of time.

BEN: Ok, I’m done. Any other Christian Bale trivia you wanted to pepper us with?

ERIN: This conversation cannot be over soon enough.

BEN: You’re voluntarily ending a Christian Bale conversation before I change the subject?

ERIN: You’re voluntarily sleeping on the couch tonight?

BEN: All right I’m done.

ERIN: I thought so.

Christian Bale, Lost, television

Lost Forum: “The Variable”

jeremy_davies_aand_christian_bale_rescue_dawn_movie_image

Christian Bale and Jeremy Davies: Two guys who have gotten disgustingly skinny just to make a movie.

 

As you may have already heard, somebody dies this episode. So we’ll hum and dance for a moment to allow you to decide, if in fact you have not already seen “The Variable,” whether or not to continue reading. Hey, did you see that T-Mobile ad last night with the woman driving in the desert who pulls over, grabs a chainsaw out of the trunk and proceeds to cut down a telephone poll, which falls over and pulls another pole down, then another, and so on like a row of dominoes? It’s a dumb ad. The woman is wearing a tiny dress, which is hardly appropriate apparel for operating dangerous equipment. And who channels her rage over high home phone bills by taking it out on our already fragile public infrastructure? That’s hardly a constructive way of dealing with one’s anger. But what’s really dumb is the small print that appears at the bottom of the screen as the chainsaw is cutting into the telephone pole. The text reads: “T-Mobile does not encourage vandalism. Do not attempt.” Really, T-Mobile? Don’t you have a bylaw stating that any company ad which requires this kind of fine print disclaimer should automatically be canned? Next thing you know Jeremy Piven will be hawking T-Mobile products.

Ahem. Hopefully that gave the hesitant enough time to get off the fence. Pressing forward then.

Eloise Hawking is a terrible mother. For maybe the first time in the entire show, we have a character with mommy issues, not daddy ones. Poor Daniel Faraday. He might’ve been a great pianist, or at least a solid keyboardist for Drive Shaft. But his mother closes the lid on the piano keys and looks deeply disappointed that Daniel should ever experience a shred of what the rest of us call “fun” or “joy.” Presumably she made him keep his braces on an extra six years just to ensure he never got a date to prom. 

We also think Fionnula Flanagan, who plays Eloise Hawking, may be our least favorite actor on “Lost.” She plays Eloise to the point of camp: the arched eyebrows, the sinister smirking. She lays everything on real thick. There’s nothing especially complicated about her character — she’s just manipulative and evil. So is Widmore, but Alan Dale shades his character with a little more subtlety. When he talks to John Locke in the Tunisian hospital, you understand why Locke might believe Widmore’s version of events. 

That’s not to say that Eloise Hawking the character isn’t as formidable a monster as any father yet seen on the show. She has used her son as a pawn in a chess game we still don’t understand yet, withholding her approval and being awfully nasty to a potential daughter-in-law just to get what she wants from Daniel. If we’re supposed to feel conflicted by the “sacrifice” she alludes to when talking with Widmore outside the hospital, it’s difficult to do so when we don’t know for what (or whom) she’s actually sacrificing. Her inscription in Daniel’s journal reads, “No matter what, remember I will always love you. Mom.” Apparently her pen ran out of ink before she could add, “P.S. I will kill you.”

What does she gain by killing her son? Hopefully we’ll find out soon, but until then this episode left us dissatisfied. Talk about a downer. Quixotic Daniel, the one man who seemed capable of outthinking the island, gets rubbed out by mum and pop. Before he goes he does set into motion several key events, notably planting a seed of doubt in Dr. Chang’s mind (and introducing him to his son Miles). He also tragically reenacts his scary old man speech to Charlotte at the swingset. Is this a heroic gesture that will (for the time being) save Charlotte? Or just one more instance of Daniel’s “Whatever Happened, Happened” theory eclipsing Daniel’s own free will? “We can’t be so naive as to think nothing can happen to us,” Daniel tells Jack as Jack treats his neck wound. “Any one of us can die, Jack.” And so one does.

The good news, at least if you’re Mike Allen: Next week’s episode, “Follow the Leader,” showcases … you guessed it … Richard Alpert. And possibly The Templars. Stay tuned.

Christian Bale, Friday Recommends, poop

Friday Recommends: Apologizing

Christian Bale has apologized for his outburst. And Matthew Leathers called it when he said, “[Bale is] so stinkin’ method it’s ridiculous”:

During the interview, Bale explained that he had been trying to summon an air of madness for his character John Connor, who is trying to save the human race from the evil Skynet computers. “I was trying to show a little of that in the blood craziness. It went very wrong. . . ,” Bale said. “I made it ugly. That was awful of me. I took it way too far. I mixed up fact and fiction. I’m half John Connor there. I’m half Christian there.”

 

So, the half of Christian responsible for the tirade has come clean. We’ll wait for John Connor to issue his formal apology soon.

Christian — who called in to L.A. radio station KROQ to make his mea culpa — also had this bit of wisdom to share:

“Please, I want to make it clear. I am embarrassed by it. I regret it. I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves if they have ever had a bad day and lost their temper and really regretted it immensely.”

 

We took Christian’s advice and sat down and asked ourselves if we’ve ever had a bad day and lost our temper and really regretted it immensely. And the answer, of course, was, “Sure — who hasn’t?” We’re not going to cast stones when someone slips up and drops the f-bomb 36 times in 4 minutes! We’ve doubled that amount in half the time before!

So today we’re recommending that you follow our lead (and Christian’s) and apologize to someone in your life who you’ve dressed down, John Connor-style. It could be a colleague, it could be your spouse, it could be your obese, good-for-nothing cat. Think of who that person is, and then instead of apologizing to them directly, call in to your local radio station and come clean. We already called in to 700 AM WLW this morning. If you missed it, and you are among those who needed an apology from us, we’ll recap here quickly:

To You Know Who You Are: Sorry for that thing we did with the thing.

To The Woman Driving A Tan Accord On Camargo Road: We acted rashly, and we apologize for that. We hope you’ve managed to get out of the ditch by now.

Ben, To His Coworkers: Sorry for all the goat blood in the breakroom.

To Those People We Burned At The Stake: Forgive us for showing a little of that blood craziness. Just bad timing all around.

To Jeremy Piven: We’d forgive you for everything if you deserved it. You don’t.

To Pittsburgh Steelers Fans: You are all total jerks, and we’re still waiting for your apology to us.

To The Girl Scouts Outside Kroger: Sorry for kicking you in the shins and stealing your Do-Si-Dos.

To Cousin Sally: Sorry we said your baby looked like “a rotten potato.”

Erin, To Ben: Sorry about waking you up at 3 a.m. with that ballistic sulfur missile. 

Ben, To Erin: Sorry, I thought it was my thong.

To The Owner Of The Great Dane Who Pooped In Our Yard: So sorry to hear of your vehicular troubles. Who knows how all that horse manure ended up in your gas tank?

To The Owner Of The Farm Down The Road: Sorry we took your horse.

To President Obama: Sorry for the embarrassment of our Senate hearing. We truly thought we had taken care of those hundred thousand dollars in back taxes. 

To Scooter Thomas: Sorry we blamed all those tax errors on you.

To Christian Bale: Sorry we ever doubted you. We never did.

Christian Bale, Uncategorized

Lies! Innuendo! Scuttlebutt! (Now, sadly, updated)

Christian Bale reportedly vents some holy anger.

 

Another Christian Bale kerfuffle! Apparently he went off on Shane Hurlbut, director of photography for Terminator: Salvation. (With a name like Hurlbut, doesn’t he deserve it?)

The graf we’d like to call attention to from the article is this one:

“I want you off the [expletive] set, you [expletive],” the man whose voice is believed to be Bale’s says.

“Believed to be”? Can you convict a man on “believed to be”?

There are links everywhere to the audio of this tirade, but we don’t advise you seeking them out unless your tolerance level for cursing is very, very high. (Whoever this purported “Christian Bale” is, he sure likes the f-bomb.)

Until Christian himself calls us to confirm that he sorta kinda got a little upset, we are casting no stones.

 

UPDATE: A friend of mine (Erin) wrote to ask “if a man who says the F-word over 36 times in a 4-minute span is less sexy.” Is he? I responded that, although I never thought I’d say it, I hope Bale was messed up on crack. Or meth. Meth would make you do something that horrible. Surely this episode will weed out those fairweather fans of Bale.  

 

UPDATE II: Still no phone call from Christian, but his guilt here seems all but certain. And now it’s gone viral: L.A. producer RevoLucian has remixed Christian’s tirade to obscene but amusing affect. Disclaimer: Do not play this at work. Do not play this around children. Do not play this in front of the Pope. Oh, Christian.

 

[photo: https://www.paninicomics.de]

Christian Bale, Uncategorized

New Year Resolutions Update

There’s one resolution we left off our list from a week ago. Being former English majors, we have a deep and abiding respect for proper attribution of sources. To date, however, we have not been documenting the numerous sites from around the Web from which we (quite liberally) “borrow” photographs. Starting today, we resolve to cite our sources. Instead of noting the source directly below the photograph, however, we will do so at the bottom of the post. (See example below for this photograph of Christian Bale from Equilibrium.)

equilibrium

Christian Bale demonstrates the nimble art of gun karate, or “Gun Kata.”

 

How are we doing so far on our other resolutions, you ask? We have cooked most of our meals at home, although Ben has still basically been heating things up. But he’s 100 pages into Omnivore’s Dilemma, and we just bought a copy of Eat This, Not That: The Supermarket Survival Guide today. (Bad news if you like Reduced Fat Wheat Thins, Bertolli frozen meals and Basic 4 cereal. Or Starburst Fruit Chews.*)

Meanwhile, Erin has worked out six times and Ben has run 24 miles in two weeks. But fellow colleague and Ben look-a-like Dave Powell, who also got a Nike + iPod for Christmas, is training for a full marathon and is running 24 miles a week, which puts Ben to shame. 

We have not adopted a kitten or cleaned our colons yet.

 

[photo: http://www.gameaxis.com/img/blog/2123/Image/equilibrium.jpg]

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* = Did you know that if you had one Starburst serving a day (8 pieces) for a whole year that you would gain 21.5 pounds of body fat? That’s more than a Scooter Thomas of additional body fat. We’re off to vomit now.