[SCENE: Floor of Congress.]
SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER: I am open to proposals to reform the tax code so long as they won’t raise taxes on the American people.
MINORITY LEADER NANCY PELOSI: John, how is closing tax loopholes equivalent to raising taxes on the American people?
BOEHNER: It’s about being revenue neutral, Nancy. It’s simply inexcusable to raise the debt ceiling without substantial cuts in discretionary spending. I won’t stand for it.
PELOSI: I question the very constitutionality of the debt ceiling.
BOEHNER: How dare you! How dare you trample the Constitution!
PELOSI: How dare you, sir! Madison’s probably rolling in his grave!
BOEHNER: Wait, hush! Nancy, lower your voice. Look up there — above us. We’re being watched!
PELOSI: Yikes! That Debt Ceiling Cat sure gives me the heebie-jeebies! Let’s settle this thing immediately.
BOEHNER: And how!
[BOEHNER and PELOSI scribble some numbers on a sheet of paper and shake. DEBT CEILING CAT nods approvingly.]