When life imitates art.
We’re back from our spring break blogging hiatus, and we clearly need to address what happened to Nic Cage last weekend in New Orleans. No less than five of our friends texted/e-mailed us as the news broke. (Typical text: “NIC CAGE ARRESTED!!!!”) We find it strangely flattering that everyone thinks of us whenever Nic flies off the handle.
The first thing that struck us, reading the accounts of what happened, is how much it sounds like the best scene from a bad Nic Cage movie. Let’s pick one account at random — this one’s from a UK site called Film News (hence the funky spelling of “behaviour” and the thoroughly British “drunken row”):
Nicolas Cage was “screaming” in the street before being arrested in the early hours of Saturday morning.
The 47-year-old actor – who was taken into police custody over the weekend after allegedly pushing wife Alice Kim during a drunken row – stunned onlookers with his behaviour in New Orleans as the pair argued over which house they were renting in the French Quarter of the city.
Barman and local street performer Peter Bennett – who lives near the properties the couple were arguing over – told People: “Apparently he had mistaken the house of my neighbours for the other house up the block that he is actually renting. His wife was trying to persuade him from disturbing the elderly couple who do in fact live in that house.
“He was running around and screaming in the street.”
According to Bennett, Cage – who is filming a movie in the area – is actually renting the house three doors down and when police officers arrived, the ‘National Treasure’ star started to get into the back passenger-side door of the car.
He added: “But the cop got out, walked around, and Cage ran a block south toward the river, where he tried to get into a cab. There was a woman outside with a baby in her arms shouting, ‘Please don’t hurt us.’ ”
The Oscar-winning actor was then arrested after an officer ordered him out of the cab, and according to an inmate at a nearby jail, was “intoxicated” while in the prison’s holding area.
The inmate added: “He was drunk. He wasn’t in a cell. He was behind the counter with all the other officers.”
After being bailed by Dog the Bounty Hunter, Cage is due in court to face charges on May 31.
Let’s count the ways this has all the elements of a great Nic Cage breakdown/wigout scene:
1. “He was running around and screaming in the street.” Oh, you mean sort of like in Matchstick Men?
2. He was scaring the bejeezus out of women and children. Sort of like every scene in The Wicker Man!
3. “He was drunk.” Because he was reprising his Oscar-winning role as Ben Sanderson from Leaving Las Vegas!
Cage is in New Orleans to shoot a film called Medallion. For all we know, last weekend’s scene may have been just that — a scene from the upcoming film, with secret cameras capturing Cage going full Method. If this turns out to be the case, the joke will be on all of us, people — not Nic. As always, he will have the last laugh.
What Nic Cage haters will never get is that he can’t just turn this thing off. Everything he does is a performance. All the world is his stage. If he’s going to commit himself to a role — whether it’s high brow art like Leaving Las Vegas or Bad Lieutenant, or cinematic dreck like Drive Angry 3D or Snake Eyes — Nic Cage goes all in. That’s why we love watching him.
Of course, we also love not being married to him. For the record, this blog takes a firm anti-domestic violence stance. In case that needed to be clarified.
Now, there are still a lot of unanswered questions from that account above. Like,
- Was Nic Cage so drunk he didn’t know which house he was renting?
- Exactly how many drinks does it take to reach this state?
- Was Nic really trying to hide from the cops when he got into the “back passenger-side door of the car”?
- Has Nic never played Hide-and-Seek before? That’s a terrible hiding spot.
- If you were a cabbie, would you give a screaming, drunken Nic Cage a ride?
- Were the woman and her baby waiting for that cab too?
- Why was this baby awake? It’s gotta be way past its bedtime.
- What was Nic doing “behind the counter with all the other officers” at the jail? Signing autographs?
- Maybe the biggest question of all: How does Nic know Dog the Bounty Hunter?
We promise to report further on this situation should answers present themselves.
We also promise a more consistent blogging schedule over the coming weeks after our time off. Tomorrow: an NBA Playoffs preview! (Collective groan from the entire female readership of this blog!) Friday: a Friday Recommends of a new book by a certain “30 Rock” cast member. (Hint: Not Dr. Leo Spaceman!)
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