sports

Quick Takes On This Year’s NCAA Brackets By Erin

  • You could expand the field to 128 teams and we’d still hear #129 gripe about controversy. Hey Colorado, Alabama and Virginia Tech: Next time, instead of crying, win more games.
  • This is preposterous: Kentucky as a 4-seed? Shameful. Coach Cal gets no respect.
  • I’m kidding, of course. UK Nation is insane. I’d rather have nose herpes than be a member of that club.
  • Actually, I think I might have nose herpes. It really hurts.
  • Of all the illnesses I’ve contracted over the last three weeks, Jimmer-mania was not one of them.
  • My husband seems excited about Penn State’s prospects as a sleeper in the West. He is delusional.
  • There is no way Talor Battle is 5’11”.
  • I feel bad for college basketball players with early onset male baldness. Chin up, Dallas Lauderdale.
  • These Tuesday and Wednesday play-in games are really going to conflict with “Biggest Loser” and ABC’s “Laugh On” nine to ten comedy hour.
  • My husband, God love him, keeps calling the new season of “Wipeout” “Spring Winter Wipeout.”
  • I told him Brad would pick Emily. He didn’t believe me.
  • The reason why I think Brad and Emily could work is they’re both kind of slow. He’s part-robot. She’s got that sweet Southern belle thing. They basically speak the same language.
  • OK, here’s why “The Bachelor” never (or almost never) works out. You’ve got Chantal asking Brad why, if he knew early on that he loved Emily and was going to give her the final rose, he essentially strung her (and all the other women) along for so long. Because her heart is broken, people. You see it. She’s a mess up there with Chris Harrison. And Brad does the best he can to answer without upsetting Emily backstage. But then Emily gets up there and says she calls Brad every Monday night after seeing the latest episode to grill him on everything he’s saying to all the other girls — all those “You’re one in a million,” and, “You’re an amazing woman and any man would be lucky to have you”s — because she’s thinking, “You used those lines on me! And I gotta watch you make out with a dozen other women, sometimes semi-nude rolling around on the beach?” So she’s understandably upset. And her question is, “If you knew I was the one, why didn’t you wear a chastity belt starting in week three and give all these other bimbos a cold shoulder?” And of course the answer is, Because that’s not how “The Bachelor” works, ladies. Brad signs up — you sign up — to travel the world making out in the most scenic tropical locales ABC can pay for, and nobody keeps watching the show if Brad says in week three, “It’s over! I want her!” Because truthfully, in week three, maybe you don’t want him, and then he’d be thinking, “Well, that sucks, because I had nine more episodes to keep making out with beautiful women and I sort of blew that and what’s ABC going to show in the meantime? Hour-long trailers for ‘Body of Proof’? I don’t think so.”
  • Oh right, basketball. Kenny Smith is such a homer. UNC is the most overrated #2 in the field.
  • I like Cuse in the East. Charles Barkley said something about Ohio State not being able to impose its will on its opponents. I buy that.
  • I know San Diego State is the sexy pick out West, but UConn’s coming out of those brackets. Upset special! Michigan takes Duke.
  • I hear the ESPN: 30 for 30 doc on the Fab Five is fantastic. Ladies, show of hands, who thinks Rob Pelinka is hot?
  • Did you know UNLV’s average margin of victory in ’89-’90 was 28 points? Twenty-eight.
  • Anderson Hunt sure knew how to rock the flat-top.

  • Incidentally, that was the first NCAA championship game in which the winning team did not miss a single basket.
  • I miss those graphics that take up half the screen. Those were the days.
  • I always regret it, but I’m picking Kansas to come out of the Southwest. Bill Self, I know where you live.
  • I don’t. I just wanted to strike fear in your heart. You’ve cost me thousands over the years.
  • Upset special: Richmond over Vandy. But everyone’s picking that.
  • Fear the Beard! Pullen and KSU come out of the Southeast! You heard it here first.
  • If Billy Packer or Bill Raftery are doing color commentary, I have to watch with the sound off.
  • If Ben ever tries to do his Bill Raftery impression around you — any “Send it in, Jerome!”s, for example — fold your arms and shake your had disapprovingly. Do not encourage him. We all need to be consistent on this.
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5 thoughts on “Quick Takes On This Year’s NCAA Brackets By Erin

  1. I just saw this!

    I can believe you would attack BBN in such an ugly and, let’s all admit it, pedestrian manner.

    Florida was clearly the most overrated #2 in this field (perhaps ever). Notre Dame (and really any Big East team) is now the most overrated #2.

    I like your K-St. (NEVER cross Frank Martin) and Michingan upset picks. I would agree, except I’m from the future and know that they both lose.

    I really, really do appreciate the NCAA Basketball post even if there was a shot at UK in there. I do realize how obnoxious we can be.

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