Michael Stipe Wants To Sell You A Bridge


Voreblog readers who are NBA enthusiasts will know that the Brooklyn Bridge is a regular part of our annual playoff commentary. Long story short: Ben was previously unfamiliar with the expression “I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you” — a phrase usually associated with extreme gullibility or used in concert with a generally preposterous idea (e.g., “If you think Taco Bell uses more than 40% meat in its food, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you”).

Today’s reference comes from R.E.M.’s latest album Collapse Into Now, one of its better efforts in some time. On the track “Every Day Is Yours To Win,” Michael Stipe sings, 

I’m nothing but confused 
with nothing left to lose
and if you buy that
I’ve got a bridge for you

We remember the days when R.E.M. didn’t include lyrics in the liner notes and we and our junior high and/or high school friends would debate the cryptic meanings of Stipe’s wordplay. Here, we surmise Stipe is not saying anything about the NBA playoffs or the Utah Jazz, only that if you think he’s confused and has nothing left to lose, well, you’re gullible. (Let’s see Pitchfork match that kind of astute music criticism.)

We have a Voreplay in the works, which Jerry Grit says he is breathlessly anticipating so he can mock our “invalid review” of R.E.M.’s latest. This from the man who once said he would pay Michael Stipe five dollars to mow his lawn. This also from the man who sent me (Ben) this random Tom Scharpling tweet from this past Wednesday:

The reason the Jazz lost the 97 Finals? Karl Malone makes BAD BAD BAD decisions and Sloan is bullheaded to a fault.

Thanks, Eric/Jerry! This in no way makes me want to jump off a bridge, Brooklyn or otherwise!


10 thoughts on “Michael Stipe Wants To Sell You A Bridge

  1. I bought Collapse Into Now at Shake-It on Tuesday because I still insist on buying new R.E.M. albums in the store the first day the come out instead of on iTunes. I’ve been listening to it non-stop since I bought it, not because it’s great, but because it has made me think a lot about how much I love R.E.M.

    I remember when almost everyone else I knew loved R.E.M., too. Now I have to email the Mecums to find someone to talk about the album with.

  2. We think it’s their best album since New Adventures in Hi-Fi. We also think your blog arch-nemesis, Matthew Leathers, is an R.E.M. fan. But don’t quote us on that.

  3. Wait, I’m someone’s nemesis? That is GREAT news.

    And, yes, life-long fan. This new one is fantastic, definitely the best since New Adventures. Although it does seem full of retreads of past songs, but that’s what happens when you’re 15 albums deep.

  4. thanks everyone for celebrating this new turd sandwich we just squeezed out! your dull critical skills and banal tastes confirm my cynical faith in your pusillanimity!

    bonus: can now afford to get all my hemp scarves bedazzled! thanks, dudes!

  5. You’re welcome, Mike!

    Okay, hoooooold on a second. I was just informed that this probably wasn’t the real Michael Stipe. Is the internet a lie? Is EVERYTHING a lie? ARE WE IN THE MATRIX? WHY CAN’T I DO KUNG FU OR FLY A HELICOPTER?

    Everybody hurts, you guys.


    1. We are most definitely not the same person. I don’t know who Leathers thinks he is fooling, but I am the original boring first name/fabric last name.

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