“How Dare You Call Our ‘Beef Mixture’ Not Meat!”

From the AP:

Taco Bell officials on Tuesday rejected claims made in a lawsuit that the meat in their tacos, burritos and other products is not all beef.

Taco Bell President Greg Creed said in a statement that the lawyers who filed the lawsuit got their facts wrong and that Taco Bell plans to take legal action against those making the allegations. He did not explain specifically what type of legal action Taco Bell might take.

Does he need to? Do the words “Taco Party Pack Force-Feeding” not render legal action completely irrelevant?

“At Taco Bell, we buy our beef from the same trusted brands you find in the supermarket,” Creed said. “We start with 100 percent USDA-inspected beef. Then we simmer it in our proprietary blend of seasonings and spices to give our seasoned beef its signature Taco Bell taste and texture.”

“Then we build a marketing campaign around the made-up word ‘fourthmeal’ just to see the veins in every nutritionist’s head bulge out,” Creed added. “Sometimes you get the eye twitch too.”

The lawsuit alleges Taco Bell falls short of the USDA’s requirement that its filling be at least 40 percent fresh meat.

Is anyone else concerned that the USDA sets the bar at 40 percent? That’s an F minus minus. You have to try to score that low.

And should we really be shocked by this suit when one of the items on Taco Bell’s menu is called a “Beefy Crunch Burrito”?

No word yet on whether Christine, Taco Bell’s poster child for the Drive-Thru Diet ®, is shocked to discover she’s been “dieting” on binders and extenders.

We suspect that college students’ rabid consumption of Quad Steak Burritos at three in the morning will continue unabated no matter what the outcome of this lawsuit.


2 thoughts on ““How Dare You Call Our ‘Beef Mixture’ Not Meat!”

  1. One of the most terrible nights of my life was brought to me thanks to chicken soft tacos from taco bell. I haven’t been to a taco bell in over 10 years. True story.

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