Even when he’s not trying to be hot, he’s hot.
[In the car on the way home from The Fighter.]
BEN: So, rank The Fighter in the pantheon of Christian Bale movies for me.
ERIN: It was great. He was great.
BEN: That’s it? That’s all you have to say?
ERIN: He’s just so intense.
BEN: When he carried that cake all the way around Lowell, I’ll bet the script said, “DICKIE carries the cake very intensely.”
ERIN: Christian reportedly lost weight to achieve the very thin frame of Dickie Ecklund by eating very little. He even went missing for hours at a time in preparation for his role.
BEN: You’re quoting straight from imdb again, aren’t you?
ERIN: Matt Damon and Brad Pitt were previously attached to play Dick Ecklund, but they would’ve been a disgrace.
BEN: Are you telling me that even as a pokey-framed, motor-mouthed crack addict with awful teeth and a giant bald spot, Christian Bale is still a handsome man?
ERIN: Is that a real question?
BEN: So it would be attractive to you if I had bug eyes, crack teeth and regularly jumped out of second story windows?
ERIN: As attractive as me looking like one of Micky’s sisters?
BEN: They were some fine lookin’ ladies.
ERIN: Boxing is such a dumb sport. It takes a good movie for me to care about boxing. Did anyone else from the movie win a Golden Globe besides Christian?
BEN: Melissa Leo did. She kind of looked like a less crazy Amy Sedaris playing Jerry Blank from “Strangers With Candy.”
ERIN: If we had been extras in that movie, the best roles would have been the snooty couple going to see Belle Epoque.
BEN: Belly E-pock!
ERIN: Bella E-packy!
BEN: Bellllllllllle e-pock-ayyy!
ERIN: Maybe you should concentrate on driving, monsieur.
BEN: Are you aware of the Christian Bale/Kermit the Frog thing floating around the Internet?
ERIN: What Christian Bale/Kermit the Frog thing.
BEN: Like how Christian Bale totally looked like Kermit the Frog at the Golden Globes.
ERIN: He did not totally look like Kermit at the Golden Globes.
BEN: See for yourself.
ERIN: That’s ridiculous. They look nothing alike.
BEN: What about this one?
ERIN: You can’t even tell that’s Christian Bale.
BEN: Can you tell this is Christian Bale?
ERIN: Really? Are you being serious?
BEN: No, this is serious.
ERIN: Look, you could take any celebrity and pick any random picture of him and then take a stupid puppet and pose him pretty much the same way and THAT DOESN’T MEAN the two look alike.
BEN: Are you offended by these comparisons? And did you just call Kermit stupid?
ERIN: This is stupid.
BEN: Is this stupid?
ERIN: You’re stupid.
BEN: I’m stupid? Or this is stupid?
ERIN: I’m revoking your Internet access.
BEN: One more.
ERIN: You wasted it.
BEN: You’re right.
ERIN: Did you just upload a picture of Wilford Brimley and a cat in a cowboy hat?
BEN: Or did I just upload a picture of Mr. Bean and an owl?
ERIN: You are scraping the bottom of the barrel. This is truly the lowest form of humor and a disgrace to our names.
BEN: More so than this?
ERIN: It’s like you’ve just discovered Internet search engines or something. This is imbecilic.
BEN: More so than this?
ERIN: If you’re subscribing to the humor curve right now, thinking if you keep posting asinine pictures of celebrities next to animals long enough that it’ll start being funny again, I have sad news for you: It was never funny in the first place. The elementary school readership of this blog may be laughing right now. But everyone else is permanently blocking our site until the end of time.
BEN: Ok, I’m done. Any other Christian Bale trivia you wanted to pepper us with?
ERIN: This conversation cannot be over soon enough.
BEN: You’re voluntarily ending a Christian Bale conversation before I change the subject?
ERIN: You’re voluntarily sleeping on the couch tonight?
BEN: All right I’m done.
ERIN: I thought so.