Nic Cage, Uncategorized

The Money Pit, Starring Nic Cage

Nic Cage: No longer sittin’ on his throne as the prince of Bel Air.


Does anyone smell Snake Eyes 2?


Debt-ridden movie star Nicolas Cage lost his Bel Air mansion to foreclosure on Wednesday. The courthouse auction was a flop, as no one was willing to make the minimum $10.4 million bid. Stephen Shapiro, realtor and owner of Westside Estate Agency, said this clears out speculators and most lenders with stakes in the property, leaving Citibank as the sole owner.

The bathroom and other parts of the house no longer contain Cage’s possessions, including his extensive collection of framed comic books, samurai armor and giant Mickey Mouse statue. “Cage’s possessions are what many people consider to be bizarre, not the house,” said Shapiro.

Um, what’s so bizarre about samurai armor and a giant Mickey Mouse statue? Mr. Shapiro would obviously not know tasteful interior decorating if it bit him in the tuchus.

Nic, here’s what you need to do: Go to Mount Rushmore. Take lots of bottled water with you. Randomly pour the water on some rocks. If any of the wet rocks reveal a splash pattern that looks like an eagle — bingo. Jam your hand into any old crevice you like and a giant city of gold will open up underneath it. Problem solved!



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