New Moon

The less said about this, the better.


Twilight may not have been a good movie, but it was at least a fun one. You know, the kind you could watch four times in ten days.

New Moon is not only a bad movie, it is one you will probably not wish to see ever again. Unless you enjoy painfully long, talky scenes of teenage angst and cheesy CGI werewolves. Each of the three stars, Bella (Kristen Stewart), Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Jacob (Taylor Lautner, whose muscular physique and sexual charisma both resemble a rock), are stuck doing the same thing over and over again. Bella is either sullen or conflicted. Edward is either conflicted or taking downers before every scene. Jacob is either taking his shirt off or thinking about ways to take his shirt off. Put these three sad sacks in a love triangle involving motorcycle repair, attempted suicide and border disputes, then throw in disembodied wisps of Edward scolding Bella every time she wants to do something dangerous (like, say, hop on a bike with a strange man 20 or 30 years her senior … c’mon, Edward, let her live a little!), not to mention some criminally repressed vampire types called Volturi, and you’ve got a real stinker of a movie.

As for the soundtrack: Pretty good. The Lykke Li and Thom Yorke tracks are the high points, although in the movie Yorke’s song ( “Hearing Damage”) has the misfortune of being the backdrop for an interminably long werewolf-vampire chase scene that appears to be stuck on repeat.


4 thoughts on “New Moon

  1. Oh well, what can I say…I liked it…kind of a lot :-). Then again, I do enjoy long, talky scenes of teenage angst and cheesy CGI werewolves.

  2. A few thoughts about New Moon:

    -I hate Kristen Stewart, but I find myself attracted to Bella for some reason.
    -Victoria is pretty cute.
    -Team Jacob is clearly the correct answer.
    -If I was a werewolf and all my friends could hear my thoughts, nobody would like me. And what happens when one of the wolves gets married? Or needs to rub one out? Is everyone else along for the mental ride?
    -Between this post and the Gilmore girls post, I have officially handed in my balls.

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