friends, NBA, sports, Utah Jazz

We Are All Witnesses To Jazz Losses. **UPDATED!**


Will Ben and Andrew Cashmere’s friendship survive the Jazz/Cavs game?


If you’ve wondered what kind of abuse you’re in for by wearing a vintage John Stockton jersey to a Jazz/Cavs game in Cleveland, the worst thing you’ll hear is, “You’re living in the past!” But it also might be true.

The Cavs rallied late to beat Utah 107-103, with LeBron James scoring the final eight Cavs points to seal the win. When Cleveland needed him, James simply barrelled into/through Andrei Kirilenko to get to the free throw line. I can now witness myself: LeBron is pretty good. (Even though his stat line wasn’t exactly gaudy: 21-6-9 plus a nasty block on ex-teammate/traitor, Carlos Boozer.)

Let the record show that my wife was cheering for the Cavs during crunchtime and that she told me, when the outcome was still in doubt, that if Utah won I had to “take that jersey off” while leaving the arena. As if enraged Cavs fans were going to stone us to death or something.

You hate to admit that you didn’t expect your own team to win, but Utah was playing without Deron Williams (taking a leave of absence for personal reasons), starting a rookie backcourt, and on the final night of a four game East Coast swing. I didn’t expect them to win.

So am I disappointed they didn’t pull it out? Yes. I want it all.

Still. Eric Maynor had himself a pretty good game starting in Deron’s place, scoring 24 points in a game high 41 minutes. After Mo Williams stripped him early in the game, Maynor trailed him up the court and picked him from behind. He’d get swiped again and burned at least a couple times before the night was over, but Maynor always came right back at Williams and hit several tough runners in the paint.

Other observations from the nose bleed seats (our tickets from StubHub were in the very last row of the upper deck):

  • Andrei Kirilenko is going without a gelled look this year. His hair is kind of floppish. Makes him look younger. He probably gets a lot of trash talk about it.
  • Mehmet Okur looks even slower in person. But like most Turks, he’s crafty. (He also had a plus/minus of -14.)
  • When was the last time Jerry Sloan started two rookies in the backcourt? Maybe never?
  • Erin wondered aloud which professional sports fans are the most physically fit. Based on her firsthand research, she was willing to go on record with NBA fans. Nobody seriously disagreed.
  • The Cavs’ player introduction video, set to the “Ride of the Valkyries,” features Shaquille O’Neal rising out of Lake Erie like a sea monster.

Now, more photos!


If you look closely, you can see our noses bleeding.



“Andrew, we took nine photos of us with flames shooting from the scoreboard. Time to come up with some captions!”



“Ben, I guarantee our captions will be funnier than Jay Leno.”¹



“Andrew, remember when that guy thought I was Mormon because I was cheering for the Jazz?”



“Ben, remember when I sat for ten minutes trying to think of a caption?”


UPDATE!: Upon reading the post this morning, Erin and Emily Cashmere said, “Way to go, guys. Which of the five almost indentical-looking photos of you two bumped the one and only photo of us you meant to include?” To which Ben responded, “But you were rooting for the Cavs!”

UPDATE #2!: Our friends at SLC Dunk had a similar reaction to last night’s game: “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that good about a loss before.” They also link to a fantastic photo of Kirilenko doing his best Frankenstein impersonation.

1. Photo caption actually written by Sweeneyblog!


10 thoughts on “We Are All Witnesses To Jazz Losses. **UPDATED!**

  1. This kinda looks photoshopped.

    Were you really there?

    Were you, in reality, drunk at some bar just outside of Cleveland city limits?

    Why are the photos only from the waist up- did your vintage John Stockton shorts reveal too much to share with your readership?

    I wonder…

  2. We do looked photoshopped, although if we were going to photoshop ourselves in we should have given ourselves better seats. We also should have done some photoshop trickery to make us not look like assholes. We don’t look much better than Jerry Sloan’s scoreboard picture.

    I’m disappointed that not even flaming scoreboards and a guest appearance by the legendary Andrew Cashmere can generate more interest in a Utah Jazz post.

  3. Now that you mention it, Mike, those photos do look very Photoshopped. I guess you’ll have to take our word on it.

    And yes, we thought it best to keep the pictures waist up due to the historical veracity of my vintage Stockton shorts.

    Our readership has already heard far too much recently about what’s going on below my waist.

    Andrew — I too am disappointed by the negligible interest in Jazz posts. Perhaps we need to write a post about the Gilmore Girls.

    1. Maybe we need to incorporate the Gilmore Girls into Utah Jazz posts. Something along the lines of “Kirilenko needs to work harder on defense and I bet Lorelai is a handful in the sack” should interest readers.

  4. I like the Jazz posts. I’m hoping they come in more frequency when the new season of Lost starts. Then I’m out.

  5. You guys could have at least photoshopped yourselves dunking on Shaq. Or peeing on the statue of Moses Cleveland.

    I am 100% certain that Lorelai is a handful in the sack. The consequences boggle the mind…

  6. Eleanor substitutes Ts for Cs in certain words. Cold becomes told, cat becomes tat, and so on. Today after work I changed into my new Lebron James jersey and asked Eleanor if I looked cool. She looked up at me and said “Tool.” I think she was right on. At least she didn’t tell me I was living in the past.

    1. By the summer of 2010, you will be living in the past. COME ON, LEBRON, NEW YORK NEEDS YOU!!!!!

      Hell, the Nets are 0-11. Does Jay Z have that much pull to convince him? Eh.

  7. It really looks like you guys are terrorizing the stadium rather than cheering politely from your shitty seats. Everyone else looks so tiny and out of focus. is this what it looks like to live in the past?

    Well, at least you both were able to get your Christmas card photos.

    I look forward to receiving mine.

    Andrew- I’m on my third Brett Favre jersey if it makes you feel less toolish.

    Actually I’ve never owned any, in case it didn’t make you feel less toolish.

    But if it did, then I do. Because you seem to be an ok guy.

    I think this is comment #9 Ben.

    You’re welcome.

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