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More Ways To Say “No” To Tobacco

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  • Be direct: “Chaw and the ladies don’t mix.”
  • Be philosophical: “My parents instilled in me good values and upon careful reflection of my moral character I feel that chaw and the ladies don’t mix.”
  • Hold grudges: “Tobacco stole my boyfriend once and I want nothing to do with her.”
  • Or: “Joe the Camel ate my pet turtle.”
  • Or: “My mom ran off with that tardwagon Marlboro Man when I was twelve.”
  • Make a fashion statement: “I don’t like the tobacco can imprint on the back pocket of my Husky jeans. And neither does God.”
  • Keep changing the subject: “Hey, look! Over there! It’s Bigfoot and Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench together!”
  • Change the subject some more: “Who wants to go to a strip club?”
  • Suggest another fun activity: “My nephew just built a meth lab. Let’s head over there instead!”
  • Lie: “I already smoked three packs before breakfast.”
  • Keep lying: “My father runs a drug cartel. You ever seen the movie Scarface? It’s not Pacino’s best work but it’s pretty good.”
  • Pretend to be deaf: “WHAT’S THAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I’M PRETENDING TO BE DEAF!”
  • Assert yourself: “I’m just too cool for tobacco.”
  • Make an excuse: “Secondhand smoke gives my cat hives.”
  • Be honest: “Do I look like someone who should be smoking?”
  • Temporarily forget how to speak English: “Les carrots sont cuites. C’est la fin des haricots!”
  • Claim that Lenny Dykstra is your dad.
  • Throw water on your crotch and say, “It’s cool to pee your pants!”
  • Pee your pants.
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9 thoughts on “More Ways To Say “No” To Tobacco

  1. ummmmm; shouldn’t the reasons be encouraging to kkids to say ‘no’???
    I’m 13yrs old and am reading this for a health project, but my teacher’ll get a kick out of the examples…
    these are encouraging right???
    hope soo…

  2. Rachel,

    We strongly advise against using our blog for any kind of educational research. We’re certain your teacher will agree with us.

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