Do not date this man’s daughter.


Based on our admittedly unscientific accounting, Liam Neeson kills roughly 139 people to rescue his daughter from an Albanian gang of human traffickers. If we ever have a girl one day, Ben will aspire to exactly this level of maniacally vengeful fatherhood.


9 thoughts on “Taken

  1. I got really pissed off at this movie because the whole premise is that he is on a tight deadline, yet he goes about the rescue in a manner that a) misutilizes his expertise and b) delays the eventual return of his daughter. If you are willing to torture the gang members, wtf would you wait for the strung out girl to come down? Why not just stab another dude in the knee with a nail, make him talk, and cut 15 minutes from the movie? Or when you get on the yacht, why not just beat the crap out of the French dude and tell him you will kill him if ýou don’t get your daughter back RIGHT NOW!

  2. After we saw this movie, Mark turned to me and said, “Wow, I really liked that movie. And Ava is never ever leaving the country.” So, I guess she has Liam Neeson to blame when her dad never lets her study abroad…thanks Liam.

  3. Cecil/Allen segment does not have children and apparently Cecil/Allen doesn’t think about when/if he does have a daughter and if something should happen (it won’t but still) what he would do – and my response would be you would call me on the god damn phone and we would go kill some fucks.

    1. Ok, you just got a little (a lot) psycho.

      I get what you’re saying, though- if someone kidnapped some of my Star Wars action figures, then I would be really pissed.

  4. Judging by the wonderful sweetness that is Kyle, and the tendency to body slam people and stuffed animals that is Ava, my guess is that the protecting thing might be the other way around.

  5. I have not seen this movie, but I’m familiar with the premise and I have to say that Liam Neeson seems to be my kind of dad. I think I would have his reactions for much less serious offenses than kidnapping. I’m imagining this scenario taking place.

    Daughter: Dad, I just got asked to prom!
    Me: (angry pause) Put him on the phone.
    Daughter’s date: Hello sir.
    Me: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

    Then I would hunt him across the Greater Cincinnati area and kill him. Sound reasonable?

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