Alternate title for this post: “Erin Voreblog’s Bad Habits.”
When I (Erin) was a freshman in college, I roomed with an incredibly sweet and funny girl from Iowa. We’ll call her W. Late at night after we’d returned from Uptown, W would do a little comedy routine, usually after an impromptu dance party in our room to Outkast. W’s comedy lineup consisted of a few staples: one, a “L’il Pico” bit, and another, my favorite, “Neyha’s Bad Habits,” about a girl in W’s neighborhood who — wait for it — had a lot of bad habits. When she was younger, W’s mother forbade her from playing with Neyha because of Neyha’s frowzy appearance, bad odor, poor study habits, and lackluster social skills. W always had me in stitches.
I too had bad habits.
Bad habit #1: When I was old enough to dress myself, but too young to know how to dress, I wouldn’t change my underwear for weeks.
Bad habit #2: In the third grade I picked my nose like a crazy woman. My teacher, Mrs. Young, reminded me often to please get a tissue, to please not wipe anything on the desk, to please refrain from sticking my fingers in my mouth. I kicked the habit with a “pick pad” where I recorded how many times I retrieved boogies on a pad of graph paper.
Bad habit #3: I watch lots of movies. Without my husband. Then I lie to him about it.
Bad habit #4: I bite my fingernails a lot, which makes me worry that I have Lesch-Nhyan Syndrome.
And now bad habit #5: Hello, my name is Erin, and I’ve seen Twilight five times. Four times in the past ten days. Not including the time I watched it with the commentary.
For my 29th 23rd birthday, Ben bought me my favorite things: a Dunkin’ Donuts giftcard (Voreblog runs on Dunkin), pretty earrings (I’m a sucker for shiny things), and Twilight.
My first viewing was in the theater last November. My sister Ellen invited me to see it with her. She’s read all the books. I knew the movie wasn’t good, could hardly be called a “film” — but I was hooked. Billy Burke with a moustache! The little girl from Panic Room! Nina Myers from “24”! That nerdy dude from “Joan of Arcadia”! And R-Patz! Mmmm. R-Patz.
Before my birthday, I hadn’t thought much about Twilight except when I got together with the junior high girls from my church’s youth group. They talk about Twilight three times as much as we talk about Jesus.
But then my birthday came … and everything changed.
The day after my birthday, Ben and I watched Twilight together. It was Ben’s first time, my second. It was awesome, and I was already picking up on details I missed the first time around.
Viewings three and four came while grading papers for “background noise,” but I found myself spending more time watching the movie than marking a paper. By the fourth time, I could recite the script verbatim. Also, I wore grey eyeshadow to work the next day, just like Bella. What’s wrong with me? A lot.
Viewing five was with the commentary. I spread this viewing out over a week when I needed to decompress after a long day. Best. Idea. Ever. I learned so much.* There are so many layers to Twilight, you don’t even know!
Time #6 is happening right now. As I type these words, Bella is frantically appealing to Edward not to leave her alone, even though he’s dangerous and she’s been killed almost a gazillion times when he’s around. Ben’s crying**, and Scooter Thomas seems enthusiastic about vampires as well. Currently he’s humping the DVD case.
I don’t know why I’m in love with this movie so much. Maybe it’s because I work with teenagers on a daily basis, and I know if I were a teen right now, this movie would be it for me. But I guess it still is it for me, even though I’m no longer a teen. Oh well. Better a Twilight addiction than Lesch-Nyhan.
* = Kristen Stewart was a minor during filming and had to attend twenty minutes of school each day before shooting. R-Patz severely hurt his groin when he rescues Bella from James in the climactic scene. Kristen Stewart suggested Iron & Wine’s “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” for the soundtrack. R-Patz sings two of the songs on the soundtrack. And that’s him playing the piano. He thinks he has “effeminate hands.” The four guys who jump Bella are frat boys from Portland State. Also, the Cullen household belongs to a Nike executive who allowed the filmmakers to use it so long as they didn’t touch the dining room table, which was imported from Tibet.
** = Not true.