friends, Nic Cage, Uncategorized

Tonight’s the Night!

Tad Smith has graciously offered his free ticket to tonight’s Knowing showing to fellow Nic Cage-hater Andrew Cashmere. Mr. Cashmere, should you be able to stomach 130 minutes of cinematic putridness, you can at least rest assured it won’t cost you a dime.

We have received several confirmations of both the electronic and non-electronic sort for tonight’s soiree, but let’s establish a few ground rules before we all gather this evening at seven o’clock:

  1. Voreblog is not going past first base. If the evening goes well, you may be looking at a peck on the cheek after you walk us to the door. But that’s it, buster. We don’t even think about second base until the fourth date.
  2. Even if we hit it off, this relationship won’t work unless you share our love of Nic Cage. Nic is still #1 in our hearts. So long as you’re happy with second place then this could be the beginning of something special.
  3. We might get very emotional watching Cage do his “antsy-perturbed thing” while fellow moviegoers mock and ridicule him. Yes, he deserves it for this particular film. No, that doesn’t make it any easier for us. The kind and thoughtful date will bring tissues.

 

We’ll be waiting in the food court at seven p.m. Remember, it’s bargain Tuesday! Five bucks is still five too many for this abomination, but at least it’s not nine!

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6 thoughts on “Tonight’s the Night!

  1. I am honored to be chosen by Mr. Smith to be the recipient of the 1st prize tickets and represent him, and all the Nic Cage haters, by being a complete dick throughout the movie tonight. It reminds me of Wrestlemania VII, when they made it seem like the Ultimate Warrior (Tad Smith) and Hulk Hogan (Andrew Cashmere) had a debate over who should represent America (America) against the evil Sgt. Slaughter (Nic Cage). Ultimate Warrior graciously stepped aside and let Hulk represent the good old USA. What a classy move.

    Unfortunately, Wrestlemania VII sucked. I would much rather see the scenario unfold like Wrestlemania V: Demolition (Smith/Cashmere) vs. Powers of Pain and Mr. Fuji (Cage/Vore with Leathers). This was a much more enjoyable thrashing.

    Also, I have two projects to finish up so I am unavailable this evening. Enjoy the movie.

    Also, I am enjoying the wrestling references.

    Also, your stromboli was one of the most delicious things I have ever tasted.

  2. Not the worst movie I have ever seen, and not even the worst Cage movie; Leathers is correct, 8mm sucked so bad I cannot believe aliens did not come and steal our children – with or without rabbits – after that Joel Schumacher crapfest.

    But have no illusions this movie was awful. We have reached a point in Western Civilization where the hoary, 3,000 year-old monotheisitc tradition can be used as hokey plot device to be paired with aliens in B-movies.

    Jesus was probably an alien. I can see Nic in the role (long-haired Nic, Con-Air Nic). ‘They messed with the wrong messiah. Now he’s dangerous.
    Jerusalem Dangerous.”

  3. I thought I’d share a poem I wrote in Marital and Family Therapy class today. The poem is based on actual topics from lecture. Feedback is appreciated.

    Poem about Love

    On a sunny morning,
    we exchange positive behaviors.
    At least five,
    before we act negatively.

    My feeling statements
    ring from the mountain tops.
    Proclaiming my report of internal feeling
    and command of what I want you to do.

    Although our marriage has developed
    past the ‘end of romance’ stage,
    I take you to the Olive Garden
    because I know you enjoy it.

    Our bodies are no longer attractive,
    but we have sexual intercourse in our bed.
    Then I mow the lawn,
    while you make cupcakes.

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