family, movies

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

This was originally going to be our Best of Movies 2008 post, but we realized a few things between Wednesday and today:

  • We have seen 11 movies at the theater this year. 
  • Two of them (The Diving Bell & The Butterfly, There Will Be Blood) came out last year, so they’re not really “new.”
  • One of them was Vantage Point.
  • Another was X-Files: I Want To Believe.
  • Another was The Happening.
  • A fourth was Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull.
  • We really wanted to hurt someone after we paid money on two of those four films, and none of them were what one might subjectively call “good.” Especially Vantage Point. That was a steaming heap of cow dung. We wanted to punch someone — anyone — walking out of that one.

Eleven films, or just under one a month, may seem like a lot to you. But for us, it’s a significant downgrade. During those carefree newlywed days in Nashville, we’d see a movie at the theaters almost every week; if we didn’t like it, we’d go watch another one (a k a, “pull a double feature”) to cleanse the palate. This year was, in some regards, major progress for us, notably from a budget standpoint. But as movie critics, we took several steps backward. 

After Matthew Leathers expressed disbelief that we’d attempt to post a Best of 08 movies list when most of the really good stuff (Revolutionary Road; The Wrestler; Wendy & Lucy; Frost/Nixon) hasn’t come out yet, while we have yet to see the rest of what’s supposed to be the really good stuff (Slumdog Millionaire; Synecdoche, New York; The Visitor; The Reader; even Wall-E), we realized we’d be doing a disservice to our readership if we offered any definitive word now on the best of film in 2008. Thus, expect our list sometime in the new year, perhaps shortly after Matthew posts his so we can just crib from that.

Until then, some facts and figures on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which we saw today with both of our families:

LENGTH OF MOVIE: 159 minutes (a k a, “looooong”)

LENGTH OF SHORT STORY THE MOVIE IS BASED ON: 24 pages.

APPROPRIATENESS FOR VIEWING WITH IN-LAWS: Very appropriate. (Certainly more appropriate than Meet the Fockers.) Only one swear word (said emphatically by a seven-year-old); very tasteful, non-explicit love scenes.

PERCENTAGE OF MOVIE NARRATED BY SUSIE BEERS FOR THE SAKE OF JON BEERS: Somewhere around 40%.

NUMBER OF SCENES IN WHICH A MAN IS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: Seven.

FIRST MOVIE DAVID FINCHER AND BRAD PITT WORKED ON TOGETHER: Seven.

PITT CHARACTER FROM A FINCHER MOVIE WHO WOULD CRUSH BOTH DET. DAVID MILLS AND BENJAMIN BUTTON:  Tyler Durden in a TKO.

VERDICT FROM THE WOMAN SITTING IN FRONT OF US: “That movie was endless.”

VERDICT FROM DAN VORE: “I felt like I just went fifteen rounds.”

VERDICT FROM ERIN VORE: “That old man was hot as donkey.”

VERDICT FROM BEN VORE: “Tilda Swinton is nutburgers hot.”

VERDICT FROM DONNA VORE: “That wasn’t what I was expecting. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

AGREED-UPON AMOUNT OF MOVIE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN CUT OUT WITHOUT ANY ADVERSE EFFECT:   Answers vary. Anywhere between 15 minutes (Erin) and 94 minutes (Dan). 

HOURS YOU WILL SPEND AFTER THE FILM WISHING YOU WERE A BALLET DANCER:  Approximately 3.5.

HOURS YOU WILL SPEND AFTER THE FILM INSPECTING YOUR WRINKLES AND PONDERING MORTALITY:  Approximately 3.5.

NUMBER OF TIMES YOU WILL THINK, “THIS IS AWFULLY SIMILAR TO FORREST GUMP”: Anywhere between three and eleven.

 

An early favorite for Best Movie of 2009? We’ve waited three years for this.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

  1. I don’t know which hurts me more: that you’re standing the Guldins up to go to State College all-last-minute-like, or that you didn’t mention JULIA ORMOND in your review. JULIA ORMOND, Benjamin. Nutburgers.

  2. The Wrestler doesn’t come out in Cincinnati till Jan 16th. You’re killing me. But hark, I will be in D.C. this weekend where it is already playing. Expect a Best Of more sooner than later!

  3. I’ll be honest: I didn’t recognize Ms. Ormond at first. Then about 30 minutes into the movie I thought, “Is that indeed the star actress behind Smilla’s Sense of Snow?” (Or, as it is known in the UK, Smilla’s Feeling for Snow.) But she tricked me, looking all not-quite-Julia-Ormond-like with the short hair. She’s sneaky.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s