friends, movies, readers forum

Like Grosse Pointe Blank, Without The Killing: The Fifth Voreblog Readers Forum

You may not know this about the Vores, but both, like the Bushes, are presidential. Ben was president of his high-school 4-H Crossbow Team. Duties included killin’, slayin’, slaughterin’, and guttin’. Erin was president of her class. This meant she had the distinct honor of decorating for school dances, judging the battle of the bands, and issuing line item vetoes on pork barrel spending bills proposed by the superintendent.

This past Saturday, Erin celebrated her ten year high school reunion, which she planned with the help of friends. It was way more fun than she hoped to have. In fact, it made the Vore’s top ten list of good times for 2008. (Full list to be published later this month.) Generally speaking, the women got prettier and the men got bloatier.* Below are some highlights.    

 

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The magic happened at the 20th Century Theater in Oakley.

 

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The Lady Planners. They earned those nametags.

 

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If you ever see this group of hooligans crash your party, lock the doors and call the police.

 

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Brad & Christy Daniel had a busy week: They celebrated their first anniversary and Christy’s birthday, ran the Turkey Trot, attended the reunion, then sat in freezing rain for four hours watching the Bengals get routed.

 

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Things we love about Philadelphia: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, National Treasure, cream cheese, and the Henrys. 

 

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Newly engaged, Sarah and Stephen weathered falling rocks on the drive up from Asheville.  

 

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Taking a break from mothering and baking cookies, Meghan and Katie show off their goods teeth.

 

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Dills, K-Schwerdz & Marko guard the “Celebrate 98” sign, still looking good after a decade in the Thorpe basement.

 

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These two did not graduate from Sycamore but they have been featured in ads for LensCrafters.

 

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The only picture we got of either Sweeney. Andy ducked out soon after to hit on strangers at UDF.

 

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T-Pain did not graduate from Sycamore in 1998. Despite this he is a successful recording artist.

 

Since we failed to get either Emily or Gail on film last night, we took the liberty of digging into the Sycamore Public Schools photo library from their soccer playing days.

 

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That’s Emily in the foreground executing a devastating version of the Poco de Gato. Gail, background, received a red card for berating a ref and tripping an opposing player. We love her anyway.

——————–

What was your high school (or college) reunion like? Help us relive all the awkward conversations in scintillatingly painful detail. And help us answer just a few of these questions: Do reunions get better with age? Did anyone rekindle an old flame? Just how satisfying was it to see that punk Jared Rosenberg gain 50 pounds? Didn’t hearing Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s take you waaay back? And what was the best line from Grosse Pointe Blank**? (Has there been a better movie about reunions than that one? Will anyone seriously make the case for Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion?) Comment now!

—–

* = Of course, this was not true of our friends, only our enemies***.

** = Our vote is when rival assassin Felix La PuBelle cons his way into the party by looking at a random name tag and saying, “It is I … Sidney Feldman.”

*** = You know who played the character of Paul Spericki in Grosse Pointe Blank? You guessed it.

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13 thoughts on “Like Grosse Pointe Blank, Without The Killing: The Fifth Voreblog Readers Forum

  1. Mr. Vore and Mr. Sweeney are no longer welcome in our United Dairy Farmer stores after harassing one of our employees on Saturday evening. Besides, if they really needed extra-small rubbers they could have just asked Mr. Cicak.

  2. Hugging all the girls I had some sort of genital contact with while in high school – while my pregant wife was standing right next to me – realizing that my now wife was friends with all these people in high school: does she know? does she care? and then realizing she does not.
    Asking the female who took my virginity “how’s it going?” and responding “that’s nice.”

  3. I went to my 10 year in September, and I’m with you guys, it was one of the best times I’ve had this year, if not in the last couple of years. Luckily, both ex-girlfriends (and their husbands) did not attend. This left me to run amuck with no worries. I ended up dancing on a table and hitting a waitress with a lamp. Good times. Sadly, no one really got fat. In fact, all the a-holes suddenly were the nicest people there. I think having kids really changed them. As for me, no kids, no wife, biggest a-hole in the joint.

    GPB is in my top 10, so you know I have some favorite lines. Here’s the top 2:

    “Hey, Jenny Slater. Hey, Jenny Slater. Hey, Jenny Slater.” – by the dreaded Piven. Kills me everytime. It’s one of the few times you’ll see Piv’s emasculated.

    “I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southlands.”

  4. I love the third picture. Ben is standing off in the corner, hanging coats, all bitter. Did Erin, as planner, make Ben hang coats all night? Or was he just all salty because it wasn’t HIS reunion?

    Here’s my favorite part from GPB, from imdb:

    [the Ultimart has just been blown up]
    Martin Q. Blank: Are you all right?
    Ultimart Carl: No, I’m not all right!
    Martin Q. Blank: Take it easy.
    Ultimart Carl: I’m hurt… I’m pissed… gotta find a new job!

  5. New question: If you could do your teenage years over again, what would you do differently? Besides being more awesome, of course.

  6. I would’ve gotten a head start on swindling good, honest people out of their money by becoming a smug spokesman for despicable companies.

    I would’ve started macking sooner too. Like age eight, maybe.

  7. I remember thinking in high school that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place. Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.

  8. This question turned my stomach. What would I do different? Everything. My memories of high school are like listening to a Dashboard Confessional album. Just a disturbing combination of sad and embarrassing.

    I also ran cross country and track , which may be the worst sports in the history of the world. The final race of my career involved me spectacularly crapping the bed at regionals, ruining the few good memories of running I had accumulated. It has been over a decade and I still feel sick to my stomach if I walk on a track.

    On the bright side, I did have an award created in my honor. The Goofy Freshman Award consists of a pair of spray painted yellow underwear and is presented to the goofiest freshman cross country runner each year. That’s almost as good as being captain of the football team. Plus, I got to talk to Kevin Youkilis at my reunion.

    I’m also reminded of an undeniable fact: white people love bad memories of high school.

  9. I’m sorry for bringing your reader forum to a screeching halt. I thought talking about something white people love, like bad memories of high school, would generate a lot of conversation. Perhaps I should have talked about The Wire. The only other possible explanation is that white people don’t like your blog.

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