Recent & Ongoing Safety Measures Taken By Erin


  • Asks every night if the oven is off.
  • Asks every night if the front door is locked.
  • Won’t leave the house with the dryer running.
  • Just now comfortable leaving the house with the dishwasher running.


  • When a light bulb goes out in the bathroom, asks Ben if he thinks the bathroom “smells like radon.” (Ben always answers, “No.”)
  • Asks every night if all the candles have been blown out.
  • After a candle is blown out, watches it for a minute to make sure no sparks and/or ashes ignite.


  • Suspects every strange noise in the attic is a hostile nocturnal creature coming to poison us with carbon monoxide.
  • Suspects every strange noise outside is carbon monoxide attacking our home.
  • Spends the first fifteen minutes of any trip wondering if the fridge door is cracked open.
  • Worries about certain lights being left on for extended periods of time.
  • Worries about leaving the car in the driveway overnight instead of in the garage.


  • Worries that electrical sockets may spontaneously combust.
  • Worries that a headache is the first sign of a brain tumor.
  • Worries that a sore neck is the onset of neck cancer.
  • Worries that a bump on her scalp is a “cyst mole.”


  • Ingests Emergen-C at the onset of a sore throat.
  • Ingests Emergen-C when she looks at someone with a sore throat.
  • Bathes in Emergen-C once a week.

One thought on “Recent & Ongoing Safety Measures Taken By Erin

  1. Oh Erin,I wish I could tell you that you are a crazy hypochondriac set-on prophesying your own death with these inane illusions, but then we’d both know i’d be condemning myself too. Thanks Dad! Yer the best!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s