ERIN: Hey, will you come look at this for a second?
BEN: What is it?
ERIN: You have to come look.
BEN: Why don’t you just tell me what it is?
ERIN: Because you have to see it for yourself.
[BEN joins ERIN at the doorway to the guest room. There is something on the carpet.]
ERIN: I think it’s an acorn.
BEN: Are you putting me on?
ERIN: No, I’m serious, I don’t know what it is or how it got there.
[BEN and ERIN lean over to examine it.]
BEN: I think it’s poop.
ERIN: Shut up. Really?
BEN: Well, I can’t tell.
[BEN gets down on knees and leans in very close.]
BEN: You’re seriously not putting me on?
BEN: You’re not going to shove my face in it or anything?
ERIN: I’m not going to do anything.
BEN: Take a step back.
ERIN: Okay. Sheesh.
[BEN sniffs the object.]
BEN: It’s poop.
ERIN: What’s it doing on the floor of our guest bedroom?
BEN: I have no idea.
ERIN: Oh that’s disgusting.
BEN: Where’s kittens?
ERIN: You think he forgot to wipe? Like he couldn’t get it all off?
BEN: Actually, that’s way too big for him.
ERIN: I almost touched it. I was really just going to pick it up.
BEN: If it was still stuck to him, how’d he manage to get all the way up here before it fell off?
ERIN: I don’t want to think about it.
BEN: It’s big. I really don’t think it was him.
ERIN: Well then who did it? I didn’t.
BEN: Are you suggesting I did?
ERIN: We are never letting him on our bed again.
[BEN picks up the poop with a wad of toilet paper and flushes it.]
ERIN: Seriously, it had to be kitties.
BEN: That was a big piece of poop. I don’t know if it was him.
ERIN: WELL IT WASN’T US.
[BEN and ERIN go downstairs. SCOOTER THOMAS is sitting on the chair. He looks like an angel.]
ERIN: Oh, I can’t be mad at him.
BEN: Well, we’ve still got to burn that chair.