sports

Erin Gives Ken Griffey Jr. a Pep Talk

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Ken Griffey Jr. looks to Erin Vore for inspiration during the American League Central tiebreaker against Minnesota.

 

This phone conversation took place earlier today:

ERIN: Hello?

KEN GRIFFEY JR: Erin? It’s Junior. Big day coming up!

ERIN: Why? What’s going on?

JUNIOR: You’re such a cut-up.

ERIN: Seriously, I don’t know what’s going on.

JUNIOR (realizes she is not joking): Uh, only the biggest game of the season.

ERIN: Oh. You mean like, the big one?

JUNIOR: Yes, the big one.

ERIN: The Super Bowl is in October?

JUNIOR: No, Erin. We had the same record as the Minnesota Twins at the end of the regular season and today we play a one-game tiebreaker.

ERIN: Great. I have to get back to grading papers.

JUNIOR: I thought you might, you know, give me one of your famous pep talks.

ERIN: Like win one for the Gipper?

JUNIOR: Yeah, like one of those.

ERIN: Well, just win one for the Gipper then.

JUNIOR: Could you sort of make it more poetic?

ERIN: What’s the Gipper anyway?

JUNIOR: You don’t know who the Gipper is?

ERIN: Listen, you know what I’m going to say. Just go to your happy place and tap it in and all those other cliches from Happy Gilmore. Or just watch the scoreboard when they play that clip from Animal House. That always seems to fire everyone up.

JUNIOR: You don’t have specific advice about how to hit Nick Blackburn?

ERIN: I’m in the inspiration business here, Ken. You’re the paid professional athlete. By the way, do you wear a cup?

JUNIOR: Say what?

ERIN: You know. For protection.

JUNIOR: Of course I do.

ERIN: Does everyone wear a cup?

JUNIOR: Did you not have any brothers?

ERIN: Also, fair warning here, but if you end up playing the Red Sox in the ALCS, my Sycamore High School allegiances require me to root for Kevin Youkilis.

JUNIOR: I thought you hated goatees.

ERIN: That’s how strong my school spirit is.

JUNIOR: So what’s going on with the Bengals?

ERIN: How should I know?

JUNIOR: You picked them to lose on Sunday.

ERIN: Oh that’s right. Did they?

JUNIOR: You mean you didn’t watch the game? Wait — do you even watch my games?

ERIN: You know I once served Marvin Lewis a mocha.

JUNIOR: You didn’t answer my question. Are you going to watch us today?

ERIN: How often do you clean your cup?

JUNIOR: You’re changing the subject.

ERIN: Do you share cups with your best friend on the team? Like friendship bracelets?

JUNIOR: I’m leaving now.

ERIN: Do you get to pick the song that they play before you bat?

JUNIOR: Yeah, sure. Why?

ERIN: I’ve given this a lot of thought, and my song would be “Groove is in the Heart” by Dee-Lite. 

JUNIOR: Nothing gets a crowd fired up like a slide whistle.

ERIN: You think so too?

JUNIOR: Hey, Erin, it’s been real but I gotta go. I’ll give you a shout after the game.

ERIN: All right, Ken. Hey, win one for the Gip–

[Ken Griffey Jr. hangs up.] 

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