Uncategorized

The Great Cincinnati Blackout of Aught Eight Highs & Lows

LOWS

  • We lost power.
  • Our day at Kings Island was cut short.
  • We didn’t get any $&%@#* free Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.

HIGHS

  • We got power back in two days.
  • Our house sustained no damage.
  • The items in our freezer are no longer invitations to marital dischord.

LOWS

  • The neighbors across the street with a four-year-old and one-year-old still don’t have power.
  • They sit out on the porch with a single candle and pouty expressions, staring bullets of guilt into our soul.
  • Someone spray-painted ELECTRICITY HOGS on the side of our house last night.

HIGHS

  • We learned what it meant to live without for a few days and glimpsed an inner simplicty of the soul.

LOWS

  • Inner simplicity of the soul is no match for flippin’ cold showers.

THESE WERE LOWS TOO

  • Scooter Thomas has watched Rambo: First Blood six times this week.
  • Peter Bronson apparently thinks Cincinnati is ready to take on a hurricane.
  • Cincinnati.com chose, for reasons unbeknownst to us, this picture to accompany the lead blackout article on its homepage today.

 

 

There is no caption or explanation as to who this woman is or why she is symbolic of our good city as it recovers from Blackout 08. We are left to guess at the meaning here: CINCINNATIANS LIGHT CANDLES TO COMBAT DARKNESS. Or maybe, TIE-DYE SHIRTS NOT ENOUGH IN BLACKOUT.

A HIGH

  • This blog is not based out of Galveston or Houston, or — for that matter — Baghdad

A LOW

  • This blog is not based out of Bermuda.

MORE PICTURES WITHOUT CAPTIONS ON CINCINNATI.COM THAT WE ARE GOING TO SUPPLY CAPTIONS FOR

Deborah Hildenbrand, right, excoriates a Duke Energy employee who has not slept for three days because the Hildenbrands lost a Honeybaked Ham to the blackout.

 

Randy Rosenberg does the heavy lifting cleaning up after the storm, while his mother, Hilda, rakes the same pile of leaves for an hour before going inside to make more Crystal Light.

 

In the contest of Tree vs. House, Tree imposes its will on weaker competitor.

 

Great, the pool party is cancelled.

 

These people need better reasons to party.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “The Great Cincinnati Blackout of Aught Eight Highs & Lows

  1. Voreblog,

    I’ve moved over to the wordpress world. My old domain was a piece of junk. This is better. Update your blogroll accordingly, please.

    Love,

    Matthew Leathers

    p.s.
    Your Crystal Light joke made me pee in my bed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s