Question #1. The highlight of the Vore’s vacation to Steelville, Missouri, was:
- A float trip down the Courtois river.
- Major pool time.
- Not getting a speeding ticket.
- All of the above, plus the non-stop excitement of Steelville’s bustling nightlife.
Question #2. The low point of the Vore’s vacation to Steelville, Missouri, was:
- A disastrous, spider-riddled five-minute hike.
- Unevenly applied sunscreen.
- Losing in controversial fashion at Scrabble when Bevin spelled not one but two French words.
- When a fellow guest, a very large man who talked like a duck, walked in front of an oscillating fan that had previously distributed cool, refreshing air upon the Vores and Beers as they innocently lounged on facing couches in the lobby, but which abruptly began to blow the foulest, most rancid stench imaginable after the man had passed.
Question #3. What happens when you put Erin & Ben in a canoe together for five hours?
- Paddling is distributed in an equitable manner so that no one overexerts himself.
- Rapids are navigated in a competent fashion, never backwards, because the Vores are skilled canoers and one of them got her Super ‘S’ in it at SB2W.
- Ben gets away with the excuse that he’s “too pretty to paddle hard.”
- They drink a lot of beer.
Question #4. Because of her gravitational pool to any body of water, Erin’s nickname growing up was:
- “The Swamp Thing”
- “Princess Poseidon”
- “Ocean Slut”
Match the person with the vacation activity that best characterizes him/her:
5. Jon G. Beers
6. Susie “The Squish” Beers
- Made great sangrias.
- Read her Kindle poolside. Also offered constructive criticism regarding Jon G’s driving habits.
- Kidnapped dozens of unsuspecting crayfish, shouting “I just want to squish their little bodies!”
- Used unsuspecting crayfish as bait for fish. And was so hot on the river that, after applying sunscreen, he appeared to be sweating milk.
Question #9. True or False: The ratio of Vore/Beers vacationers to rental cars was 2:1.
Question #10. True or False: The Beers family commemorated its first vacation together in ten years by having each of the Beers women take turns wearing “the boob suit.”
Extra Credit. The funniest line from Anthony Lane’s review of Mamma Mia! is:
- “Sophie resides on a Greek island—an island like any other, where gnarled old ladies drop whatever they’re doing in the olive grove and tunefully join in on nineteen-seventies Swedish pop songs.”
- “The legal definition of torture has been much aired in recent years, and I take Mamma Mia! to be a useful contribution to that debate.”
- “There is no delicate way of putting this, but anyone watching Brosnan in mid-delivery will conclude that he has recently suffered from a series of complex digestive problems, and that the camera has, with unfortunate timing, caught him at the exact moment when he is finally working them out.”
- “I wish I could share that contagion, but then I really saw only half the movie, having spent the other half staring down at my clenched fists and curled toes in a calvary of embarrassment.”
ANSWERS: 1) 4; 2) 4; 3) 4; 4) 1; 5) 4; 6) 1; 7) 2; 8 ) 3; 9) True; 10) False. Extra credit: All of the above.