Friday Recommends, Scooter Thomas

Special Scooter Thomas Edition of Friday Recommends: Kitty Hooch

Our cat, Scooter Thomas, occasionally guest blogs for us. Today he will use our Friday Recommends space to sing the praises of his favorite new cat toy: Kitty Hooch.

A Kitty Hooch t-shirt.

 

While I find it insufferable to be forced by my owners to write even one more word for this dismal blog, there is nothing insufferable about my enthusiasm for what I can say, without hyperbole, is the greatest cat toy ever invented: Kitty Hooch.

There are a number of testimonials from cat owners on the Kitty Hooch website that document just how life-changing it has been to many of my brethren, cats like Rocket, Matches, Nacho, Cosmo, and Moon Pie. Sadly, the good people who invented Kitty Hooch have not allowed a cat to speak for himself on the testimonial page. This being the case, I will attempt to do the Hooch justice here.

I’ve tried all the other cat toys from big boxes like PetSmart, Healthy Pet and the like. Let’s be honest: they were crap. Every last one. Oh sure, I put on a good show for my owners, stamping and rolling, chewing and gnawing and the like, but my heart was never in it. Like virtually everything in my life, I was doing it for them, trying to add some tiny measure of joy to what must otherwise be a truly pointless existence. All that time not sleeping, refusing to enjoy the finer pleasures in life. Quite sad.

But I digress. My owners introduced me to this revolutionary toy when they returned home from Portland, Oregon, earlier this summer. Portland must be a magical place where kitty treats hang from catnip trees and scratching posts dot the horizon like skyscrapers while the diabolical red pen light turns not its infernal gaze anywhere across the land. Better would be one day in Portland than a thousand elsewhere!

I knew the minute they stepped through the door that there was something nuclear in their suitcase. The air was charged. My instincts were ramped up to fever pitch. I would’ve clawed through that bag had they not immediately removed the item pictured here:

Oh, sweet joy! My ears heard the Hallelujah chorus playing as if from afar, the sounds of heavenly angels descending upon every one of my senses as I gazed upon this miraculous sight. I could not drink in the rich, dizzying scent fast enough. (Catnip, to the uninitiated, is in the mint family.) When they call this stuff the “white lightning” of catnip, they are not kidding. This is premium, high grade stuff. Definitely not for amateurs.

So what is it like living on Cloud Nine, where I’ve been luxuriously perched for the past two months straight? It is a dream, my friends. I have gazed into the eye of the sublime. Divinity, thy name is Kitty Hooch.

As the owners of Kitty Hooch state on their website, their products are made for those felines with truly discriminating tastes:

Each of our products is designed from conception with our criteria for excellence and attractiveness to cats. Pardon the pun, but there are no dogs in our product line. What we have found is the abysmal state of commercial catnip toys is not an exception in the pet care industry, but it is endemic … It is the rule.

I will not only pardon the pun, I will second it: No dog could possibly appreciate these extraordinary products (no dog except for my newfound friend Winnie Sweeney, that is). And the state of commercial catnip toys truly is abysmal. I tried all the rest, then I tried the best.

Please, if you are a cat owner and happen to be reading this (though, again, I can’t fathom why you’d waste valuable non-nap time at this blog), do your feline a solid and travel to Portland to get these remarkable products. Or, given the exorbitant price of gas these days, just order online. As the website states (in bold type, no less), “Kitty Hooch is not a commodity, it is a lifestyle statement.” It’s time your favorite feline really started living.

 

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