Yesterday’s post generated some rather amusing comments, and we particularly enjoyed Andy Sweeney’s anecdote about a co-worker who pooped herself in a fender-bender. Then we began to wonder: Given the healthy appreciation many of our friends have for all things scatological, why not solicit everyone’s best story of public urination/defecation? (Or, if you’re Jenny McDevitt, the time you rolled around in poop in Washington, DC?)
But first, is anyone else puzzled as to why there’s an apple on the cover of Everyone Poops? We welcome theories as to what exactly that’s all about because, frankly, we have no idea.
To help you locate your excremental muse, here’s the story of Ben wetting himself in the first grade:
Mrs. Thompson was conducting a spelling test. I earnestly had to use the restroom. I understood the gravitas of a spelling test and how disruptive it would be to leave, but it got to the point where I simply could not hold it any longer. I raised my hand.
“Yes, Ben? Should I repeat the last word?”
“No, Mrs. Thompson. I need to use the potty.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Is it an emergency?”
It was. But the way she said emergency made me think: World War III? Nuclear winter? The apocalypse?
So I pressed on until I simply couldn’t hold it anymore. I remember seeing the yellow puddle at my feet spread out and Anita Gibboney whisper from the desk beside me, “Oh my God.” Mrs. Thompson called Mrs. Vore, and trusty mom delivered a fresh patch of Lee jeans and asked if everything was all right. I remember nodding solemnly. Later that day, sitting on the carpet for sharing time, Ben Langston sat down next to me. We had never really talked before but Ben smiled when he sat down. “What you did earlier today,” he said, “was really, really cool.”
Now it’s your turn. Amaze us with your embarrassing bodily dysfunctions and your impressive dexterity at walking the fine line between gross and utterly tasteless. Some of us might be eating at our computers.
If you are too embarrassed to relate a personal story, simply say it happened to an old co-worker of yours, as we suspect Andy probably did.
Now go comment! Don’t forget about the apple.
DISCLAIMER: If you are someone for whom digestive difficulties are no laughing matter, Activia may be for you.