Erin to Ben in the car, after Ben put on M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes”: “Did you mean to put this in?”
What Erin was really saying: “I question both your musical taste and fitness to be my husband.”
How could Erin have handled this situation differently? By using hand motions to make an imaginary noose and hang herself, which at least makes Ben laugh.
Ben to Erin, on a Sunday afternoon in April prior to the Music City Half-Marathon: “So, is watching Murder at 1600 on Fox 19 part of your cross-training regimen today?”
What Ben was really saying: “Don’t embarrass me in front of my new runner friends.”
How could Ben have handled this situation differently? By setting fire to the couch and TV.
Erin to Ben, in the first month of marriage: “I’m starting a Goodwill pile of clothes and stuff if you’d like to donate to a good cause.”
What Erin was really saying: “I will not be married to a man with black suede shoes and pleated khakis.”
What could Erin have said to be more direct? “Ben, I love you, but you have the fashion sense of linoleum.”
Scooter Thomas, while Ben and Erin are late for work in the morning:“Ack! Thpfft! Hack! Barf!” (Repeat eight times in a five minute time span in four different rooms.)
What Scooter was really saying: “I’m an emotionally fragile creature who has not received sufficient love and attention recently, and now you’re going to pay.”
How could Scooter have handled this situation differently?By allowing himself to be dropkicked across the lawn.
Erin to Ben on Wednesday night after Ben came home from basketball: “I just put up a clothesline in the basement, in case that’s a piece of information you’d like to do something with.”
What Erin was really saying: “It smells like a small woodland creature crawled into your shorts and died. If you don’t immediately get them out of my sight, I’m going to put Newsies at the top of our Netflix queue again.”
What could Erin have said to be more direct? “Baby, I left eight piles of cat vomit for you to clean up. Enjoy!”