If you, like us, are white, then stuffwhitepeoplelike.com will only confirm just how white you are.
The site, introduced to us by Mike Cicak and Andy Sweeney, is run by people who are apparently watching us wherever we go, aiming some kind of X-ray gun at our heads so as to understand exactly what’s going on inside our brains. We, for example, like the following things (which white people like us also seem to like a lot too):
Grammar. While dining at the Corner Bistro recently with the Cicaks, we were mortified to see not one but two misspelled items on the Dessert Menu. “Wait, ‘bannanas’ doesn’t have two n’s,” Ben said. “And that’s not how you spell ‘carmel,'” Erin added. “We have to tell them.” Ben has a (white) friend at work who carries a bottle of White Out around with her so she can correct such misspellings whenever she sees them. Man we love grammar.
Hating Corporations. We really dislike corporations. When we saw the documentary The Corporation several years ago, we spent the entire ride home earnestly discussing how depressed we were by corporations. We also have No Logo on our bookshelves and, while we no longer have recent issues of Adbusters lying around, we do have Kalle Lasn’s Culture Jam shelved right next to No Logo. (In keeping with the white-people-like-grammar-and-rules observation above, all of our bookshelves are alphabetized and arranged by sub-section, hence Klein, Lasn on our “countercultural” shelf, top left shelf, first bookcase in the dining room.)
Public Radio. We love public radio. Erin is concerned about Ben’s fixation with Diane Rehm. We think Ira Glass, Terry Gross and Carl Kasell would all have a great time at one of our dinner parties. But we do kind of despise those schlubs on The Splendid Table.
Arrested Development. We will fight you if you insult Arrested Development. Erin often tries to mimic Lucille Bluth’s over-the-top eye wink, and we’d like all of our readers to know that we at the Vorehouse run a pretty tight ship here. A gaming ship.
Assists. Ben simply loves assists. John Stockton is, was, and always will be the greatest point guard of all time. When Ben still had hair, people often remarked how much it looked like John Stockton’s haircut. When you’re white and you can’t dunk, you do the next best thing: pass!
Wes Anderson movies. We don’t have kids, but if we did, we’d still love Wes Anderson movies more than them. (This has been a recurring theme in marriage counseling, but we don’t understand why our therapist is so concerned about it.) When, over a camp-day-off meal at The Olive Garden in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, we discovered one another’s mutual affection for Rushmore, this was literally a deal-breaker. We still hand each other notes during boring church services/lectures/graduations that say things like, “Rich kids = Bad? This guy = Best chapel speaker ever.” And in a contest of superheroes, the jaguar shark wins every time.
The Wire. Ben thinks The Wire is the greatest television show of all time. At work, Tuesday is the day everyone has a Wire character nickname on the daily schedule, so you’ll frequently overhear exchanges between two skinny white dudes like, “What’s up, Slim Charles?” “Not much, Bunk. I’ve got some WMDs coming off the boat today if you need a re-up.” “Solid. I’m in.”
If you are a white person too, you can find out more about yourself in print form on July 1. But don’t buy it on Amazon or at one of the big boxes. Support your local independent bookstore!