Running dialogue from Game Six of the NBA Finals at the Cicak residence last night:
ERIN: So, let me get this straight. Do we have to watch any more games after this one?
BEN: No. The Celtics are going to win in five minutes and thirteen seconds.
ERIN: But they’ve won before.
BEN: But this is going to be their fourth win. It’s best-of-seven.
ERIN: Thank the Lord.
MIKE CICAK: KG looks like a human preying mantis.
GAIL CICAK: Yeah, he kind of does.
ERIN: Those players look so disgusting and sweaty. It must be so smelly in that arena right now.
MIKE: I bet it’s pretty well-ventilated.
ERIN: I would just kill myself if I had to be there.
BEN: Hey, does everybody remember the time Erin thought the Crosstown Shoot-Out was a game of horse?
(Laughter all around except from ERIN.)
ERIN: Whatever. At least I know the Xavier X-U cheer.
MIKE: I apologize in advance for the world of hurt you all are about to be in.
ERIN: Are they really going to keep chanting “Na Na Nah Nahh, Na Na Nah Nahhh, Hey! Hey! Hey! Gooood-bye” for the next four minutes and thirty-one seconds?
GAIL: What are you talking about?
BEN: Oh, I smell it.
MIKE: I couldn’t help myself.
ERIN: I apologize too.
BEN: Don’t threaten her! It’s like when animals need to express their dominance when challenged.
GAIL: I’m going to open a window.
ERIN: Is that Jason Schwartzman playing for the Lakers?
MIKE: That’s Sasha Vujacic.
ERIN: He looks like he really smells.
MIKE: Do you guys want to hear a joke? What did the brown chicken say to the brown cow before they made out?
BEN and ERIN: I don’t know.
BEN: I got one. How many Polish firemen does it take to put out a house fire?
MIKE and GAIL: How many?
BEN: Forty-nine. One to hold the hose and forty-eight to pick the house up and move it back and forth.
ERIN: Where did you hear that one?
MIKE: Lamar Odom’s pretty good, but I’ve always thought he could’ve been great. I guess he smoked too much dope.
GAIL: How do you know that?
MIKE: Everybody knows that.
BEN: If this conversation somehow ends up on our blog someday, I’ll be sure to footnote it so that no one thinks we’re maliciously slandering him or anything.
GAIL: NBA players are allowed to do that?
MIKE: Hey, have you guys ever felt a baby kick?
ERIN: Ooh! Can I feel?
MIKE: Yeah, come over here.
BEN: This is the happiest I’ve ever been at the end of an NBA season.
MIKE: Put your hand there. Sweetie, is he kicking tonight?
GAIL: You have to talk to him. He might need to wake up.
MIKE: HEY! WAKE UP!
ERIN: Nothing yet.
MIKE: LITTLE MAN, MOVE!
GAIL: Did you know he’s four pounds right now?
ERIN: Wait, there was something. I don’t think it was a kick though.
MIKE: It might’ve been his butt. He likes to shake his butt when he dances.
BEN: Did you guys hear that? I think Jeff Van Gundy is coming on to John Havlicek.
ERIN: He’s really shakin’ it now.
MIKE: DANCE, LITTLE MAN! DANCE!
ERIN: Is it finally over?
BEN: No, it’s just a commercial.
ERIN: How do the players know when a commercial’s over and they can start playing again?
BEN: Well, in football, a man in a yellow shirt steps onto the field and play can’t start again until he steps off.
MIKE: I know two people in the world who still like to eat their boogers. My friend Adam and Wally Szczerbiak.
ERIN: I used to keep a pick pad in elementary school.
MIKE: What’s a pick pad?
BEN: I thought boogers tasted good when I was a kid.
MIKE: Dude, this makes me nauseous. We can’t keep talking about this.
GAIL: Did they just dump Gatorade on that coach?
MIKE: I’ve never seen that before in an NBA game!
BEN: David Stern cannot be happy.
ERIN: Is the Gatorade on the playing field? What if somebody slips on it?
MIKE: I’m just glad we’re not talking about boogers anymore.