Thud

Is it too soon to say: Worst. Readers. Forum. Ever? 

Golden Readers, we are disheartened.

If anyone has any advice of any kind, there’s still time to share it here.

We would advise that if you have not already seen David Simon’s appearance on “Bill Moyers Journal” last week, you do so here.

Hearing Simon talk about the correlation between the decline of newspapers and the decline of civic institutions made us think of … the decline of NBA beat reporting and Kevin Garnett’s injury?

Calling All Old Timers (er, “Golden Readers”): The Tenth Voreblog Readers Forum

If you can Wii, you can definitely join the Readers Forum.

 

We alluded to Donna Vore, Ben’s mom, in yesterday’s “Voreplay” post. And we poked a little fun at her for calling it “the YouTube” instead of just “YouTube.” But the truth is, we could get away with it because Donna does not read Voreblog. It’s not because she isn’t a wonderful, supportive mother who devoutly cares about her son and daughter-in-law — it’s that the day-to-day commitment of checking a blog eludes her. In her defense, it does take the Vore’s home computer about ten minutes to boot AOL. (AOL! we hear many of you young whipper-snappers hooting. Yes, tis true.)

Just because Donna isn’t a regular Voreblog reader doesn’t mean that there aren’t others of you out there in the “parent” demographic who make it a point to check in now and then. We ran into one of you (John Tolos) last week. You said, “I’ve tried reading your blog a couple times but it’s a little past me. I’ll tell you which one I liked though: that one about the grandchildren.” 

Not to stereotype, but our oldest demographic seems to share John’s view. They like posts about grandchildren. They like posts about our parents wanting grandchildren. They seem less enthralled with anything having to do with pop culture in general and Nic Cage in particular. So what’s on the minds of our senior demographic? 

Pardon us before we go any farther, but instead of “oldest,” “parent” or “senior” demographic, can we just call you, say, our Golden Readers? Is that offensive? Better than Old Farts? We know this is a sensitive subject. Some families howl and cackle about age (even death) while others tiptoe around it like it’s a slumbering bear. We know. We descended from one of each.

So “Golden Readers” is okay? We mean it when we say that we don’t think of you as old. If you’re our parents age, you’re not old. You’re just our parents or our friends’ parents. Some of you officially qualify as senior citizens now, but you’re not senior citizens to us. You see the dilemma here? What we don’t want is for you to think we’re joking around behind your back, jabbing our thumbs in your direction and whispering, “Hey, who invited the fogies?” Trust us, we’re not doing that. Really.

As a way of officially recognizing you Golden Readers and inviting you into the conversation, we’d like to dedicate our Tenth Readers Forum to you. This naturally lead us to ask, What would an Old Tim–we mean, a “Golden Reader” — want to discuss in a Readers Forum? We generally like to do Top 5 lists. Top 5 favorite grandchildren? Top 5 Harrison Ford movies? Top 5 favorite colonoscopies? (Sorry, below the belt.) We decided maybe Top 5 lists are a generational thing. So we racked our brains a little while longer until we finally came up with this:

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

It could be about life. Marriage. Work. Faith. Colonoscopies. Anything. It just has to be good advice that someone gave to you.

As always, anyone is free to comment and share his or her wisdom, which resides in young and old alike. But here are a few disclaimers we make specifically to you, Golden Readers, for your peace of mind:

1. Commenting on our blog does not mean faceless cyber-criminals will hack into your bank account. The only thing you will expose yourself to by sharing your thoughts in the Readers Forum is the unconditional love of the virtual Voreblog community.
2. You will be asked to enter your e-mail address, but that does not mean anyone else gets to see it. Only us. And only so we know you are not a cyber-criminal trying to hack into our bank account. 
3. We don’t share or sell your e-mail address to third parties who want to sell you time shares in Florida. Unless the price is right, of course. Or we’re really hard up for some cash.
4. No, seriously. We don’t do that. Seriously.
5. You also won’t get e-mail spam about penis size enhancement. Unless you’ve specifically requested it via other sites.

 

So, Golden Readers, lead the way! You have a captive audience. We sit at your feet awaiting your pearls of wisdom.

Your Favorite Books, continued

Sawyer finds a little time to dabble in Ayn Rand.

 

We’ve been impressed by the civility of the most recent Readers Forum — apparently people feel less inclined to disparage the literary tastes of others than they do their musical tastes. If you haven’t chimed in with your Top 5 Books yet, please do so. Since we made a special appeal for the favorite books of your childhood, we enjoyed this list of the favorites’ favorites, the books that the likes of Judy Blume, James Howe and Madeleine L’Engle enjoyed when they were growing up. And we stumbled across this fantastic quote from L’Engle: “You have to write whichever book it is that wants to be written. And then, if it’s going to be too difficult for grown-ups, you write it for children.”

(Of course, if you don’t want to share your own Top 5, you could always just link to your favorite YouTube cat montage.)

Voreblog Readers Forum, Part IX: Your Top 5 Favorite Books, Please

 

Mr. Andrew Cashmere recently tipped off the most successful Readers Forum to date by suggesting Voreblog readers share their top 5 albums of all time. We’ll continue in the same vein: What are your top 5 books of all time? Remember, the Readers Forum accepts you for who you are. Be yourself. Who cares if some snob wants to crap on your favorite book of all time even if it’s The Notebook? No, seriously, if it’s by Nicholas Sparks we’ll totally ridicule you. But any other book or author is totally in-bounds. Unless you list Stuff magazine and anything by Tucker Max. Then you’ll be virtually and publicly shunned.

Otherwise, welcome to the Readers Forum IX!

The wrinkle: One of the books must be a childhood favorite. And we strongly encourage (but will not discredit you if you fail to include) comics (like, say, “Calvin & Hobbes” or “Bloom County” anthologies if these were deeply influential during your formative years) and/or graphic novels. That’s literature too, people.

Bonus points if you list Phil Jackson’s Sacred Hoops.*

Go!

 

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* = That joke was solely for Stephen Heck’s benefit.

[photo: flickr]

The Conversation Is Still Going

Over at the current Voreblog Readers Forum, Lee Fuoco has made a cameo only to disparage Voreblog readers and say hi to Scott Guldin before disappearing back into the digital ether. You can continue to follow the conversation here, at least until Andrew Cashmere finally and decisively kills it.

Meanwhile, Mike Allen takes issue with a link from Tad Smith in the discussion around last week’s Lost episode, “LaFleur.” You can weigh in on the debate here.

Finally, revisiting The Kindle and the Blind, Amazon now allows authors and publishers to decide on a book-by-book basis whether that title should be available for automated reading using Kindle’s TTS (text-to-speech) feature. This decision does not change the fact that Erik Brueggemann continues to find the living room decor of the Kindle “arresting” as it appeals to his “post-post-post-post-post modern decorating aesthetic.”

And finally finally, Jerry Grit qualifies his earlier endorsement of StuffOnMyCat.com with a more skeptical take here. We agree that Cats + Firearms = Cause For Significant Concern. (Though if Scooter Thomas had been packing when our house was broken into we might’ve never had our stuff stolen.)

Coming later today: a Utah Jazz update! Get excited!

The Eighth Voreblog Readers Forum: High Fidelity Edition

Where do I even begin?

 

We’re taking a suggestion from Mr. Andrew Cashmere on a Readers Forum topic: What are your top 5 favorite albums of all-time? Given U2’s new release yesterday, we thought this would be an apropos time to broach this subject. We’ll chime in with ours in the comment thread. Feel free to use this forum to make us see the light on Andrew Bird’s Noble Beast if you think we are still wandering in the darkness.

 

[photo: Touchstone pictures, imdb.com]

Special Reader Participation Edition of Friday Recommends

The Oscar Nominees Readers Forum includes more than a few recommendations to Academy Voters on what they should (or should not) endorse this year. So we thought to ourselves, instead of us offering a recommendation today, why don’t you recommend something to the Academy Voters. It could be that they burn their copies of Slumdog Millionaire. Or that Underworld: Rise of the Lycans be recognized as a Best Picture nomineee. Or you could recommend that fellow Voreblog readers watch your favorite movie of all time, even if that movie is Snake Eyes. Whatever. Just recommend something.

Or you could recommend something else. Like for your neighbors to stop letting their Great Danes poop in your yard. Or for Howie Mandel to not be given any more TV shows. Or for Sigur Ros to not allow their songs be played on “Private Practice.” Or that mammas don’t let their sons grow up to be cowboys. Or for that two-timing bastard Ricky to take a long walk off a short pier. 

Basically you can recommend anything. Just do it here, as opposed to commenting on this post.

Go.

 

p.s. Last night’s best Tracy Jordan line: “That’s a white myth like Larry Bird or Colorado.”

What’s a Fistfight Among Friends? A Special Oscar Nominees Edition of The Readers Forum

The analysis and prognosticating over this year’s Oscar picks has already started. We’re turning it into a Reader’s Forum, so feel free to chime in here. What are YOUR thoughts on Slumdog Millionaire? Just how long WAS The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? Exactly WHO will restore that warm tummy feeling to Matthew Leathers before he throws himself in front of a speeding car? SHOULD a Best Picture be loved (Shakespeare in Love) or respected (Saving Private Ryan)? And how long WILL it take before Andrew Cashmere says something completely inappropriate? Comment now!

Take It From ljstraight: New Year Resolutions, continued

This man resolves to place first in a cloud marathon this year.

 

Tonight, for fun, we googled “how to keep New Year Resolutions” and came up with a hit for a site called eHow, which claims to offer practical advice on “How To Do Just About Everything.” A quick glance around the site confirms that it really does mean just about everything, including “How to Say No,” “How to Make an Origami Snowflake,” “How to Understand Common Screws,” “How to Tell a Deadbeat Parent How You Really Feel,” and our favorite, “How to Bounce Back When You Are So Angry.” (The author, ljstraight, offers this helpful advice, which we have refrained from grammatically correcting: “Talk to your family on what is upsetting you so much. When your angry believe me you will be expressing you feelings more than once.”)

So far as resolutions go, eHow member Bob Strauss had these tips:

1. Aim low.
2. Don’t overload yourself.
3. Tell everyone you know.
4. Reward yourself.
5. Wait until spring.

So, taking Bob’s advice, we’ve now decided to amend yesterday’s resolutions. Here is our new, revised list:

1. Eat locally, within about a 3000 mile radius.
2. Cook & eat in more, or maybe bring home takeout and reheat it.
3. Work out/run more, or pay someone to do it for us so we don’t feel overloaded.
4. Adopt another kitten, or just wait until next year.
5. Participate in the great colon cleanse of 2009, or don’t and say we did.

Phew! That feels much more doable now. We’re going to reward ourselves with some brownies. Thanks, eHow!

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We couldn’t resist clicking on ljstraight’s link, which took us to other eHow submissions he (she?) has authored. Here’s “How to Walk in Their Shoes” ( “Try calming them down gently. This may be as simple as a big hug”), “How to Remember” ( “Forgetfulness doesn’t have to be scary”), “How to Make a Great Sauce For Fish” ( “I would recommend starting out by figuring out how many pieces of fish you are serving”),  and “How to Find Small Treasures” (which — surprise! — is a guide to rock collecting. ljstraight says, “First, it’s always more fun sharing this fun time with your best friend. Give one a call!”).

Apparently people actually get paid to post these things on eHow. Hmmmmmmmmm.

New question of the day for the seventh Voreblog Readers Forum: What expertise do you have to share for Voreblog’s readership? How to Throw Your Wrestling Opponent Through a Plate Glass Window? How to Woo Celebrities Like Bridgette Nielsen? How to Make Friends With Other People Who Like Rock Collecting? Don’t send it to eHow for money — comment here for absolutely no compensation at all! If we’re lucky, maybe ljstraight himself will chime in too.

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UPDATE: We just found another link for the “Top Ten Resolutions Not To Make This Year.” Only after clicking on it did we realize it was a link to the online edition of Cosmopolitan. Still, you can’t argue with avoiding resolutions like:

• losing five pounds ( “hot chicks like Jessica Biel and ScarJo are proof that toned and curvy are the new skinny”)
• buying into all the latest trends ( “it’s okay to be a slave to fashion … just be a slave to cheap fashion”)
• winning back your ex-boyfriend ( “we give you some permission to engage in some rebound relationship therapy”)

Incidentally, wouldn’t Slaves To Cheap Fashion be a great band name?

The Seventh Voreblog Readers Forum: New Year Resolutions

This will be our year / Took a long time to come.  - The Zombies

 

Our resolutions for 2009:

1. Eat more locally. This is largely a byproduct of Erin reading Omnivore’s Dilemma, which Ben is reading now. (Joint review to follow soon!)

1a. Cooking & eating in more, which for Ben means diversifying his cooking repertoire (or, “Preparing meals without the microwave”).

2. Work out four days a week (Erin) and run 12 miles a week/600 miles this year* (Ben).

3. Adopt another kitten.

4. Participate in the great colon cleanse of 2009!

Ben will be ok at failing #3, which was added without his approval. As was #4.

 

For the Seventh Voreblog Readers Forum: What are your resolutions for 2009?

 

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* = Ben is expecting his new Nike + iPod toy to provide significant motivation.