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2009: The Year In Books

December 23, 2009 · 13 Comments

We read fewer books this year than in years past, so we’ve enlisted the woman who kicked off our Friday Recommends guest blogger posts, otherwise known as “sister Ellen,” to help us with this year’s list. Ellen, take it away!

[we hand computer to Ellen]

Despite predictions that my first attempt at blogging would lead to no return-invitations, I have been asked by Voreblog (the Male) to fill in as guest-blogger for their annual review of the best books read in the previous year. So here ‘tis –

Sister Ellen’s Books 2009: a year in review.

Frankly, I don’t remember all the books I’ve read this year. I read a lot of books. (Mr. Grit chimes in here — bad books).  What evs. I liked ‘em, I read ‘em. Even I, however, am just a bit embarrassed when I compare the mountain of literature you see below with last year’s list, compiled by Voreblog. It appears that this year’s list has been composed by a child. But let us judge this year’s feast of literature on quantity, not quality. I read two entire series of novels. Thank you, Jim Butcher. Thank you, Charlaine Harris. I read one-half of an embarrassing novel filled with were-animal sex scenes. Anita Blake, why must you be such a whore? To be fair, I now warn all who venture to my Facebook profile to steer clear of the genre known as paranormal romance.

Books I have devoured in 2009:

Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files:

Storm Front
Fool Moon
Grave Peril
Summer Knight
Death Masks
Blood Rites
Dead Beat
Proven Guilty
White Knight
Small Favor
Turn Coat

Summary: Harry Dresden is the sexiest, most complex wizard-hero I have yet to encounter.  I would have a cup of coffee with him.

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Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire Novels:

Dead Until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
From Dead To Worse
Dead and Gone

Summary: S-T-E-A-M-Y. Eric the Vampire/Northman? Yes, please. Bill? Maybe; but it’s a weird name for a vampire. Stories are quick, energetic, entertaining.

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Stieg Larsson’s

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Played With Fire

Summary: Great books combining two of my favorite things: journalism and Swedes. There is nothing more awesome than clipping through a book at a furious pace, when suddenly you are made to pause by a passage involving having a cheese sandwich for breakfast. Who does that? Answer: Swedes.

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Suzanne Collins’ “adolescent series”

The Hunger Games
Catching Fire

Summary: Books haven’t made me feel this good since I imagined I was eating blueberries and milk and bread along with the Boxcar Children. Seriously, stories of children surviving in the wilderness get a “thumbs up” from me.

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Vampire Haiku by Ryan Mecum

Summary:

Ryan writes of vamps
Never have I laughed at blood
And sucking so much

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The Reason for God:  Belief in the Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller

Summary: I didn’t know I could like a Presbyterian this much.

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The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Summary: This book led me to proclaim: “Holy Shit! I’ve been doing it all wrong.” As well as: “Well, of course it makes sense that everyone needs a full love-tank.”

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Re-Read:

5, 6 and 7 of the Harry Potter series
Book 4 of the Twilight series

I don’t know what to say for myself. Again, I make a plea for judgment based on quantity (27 new books! 31 if you count the re-reads!). In sum, I got lost in books this year and enjoyed the fantastic escape that books can provide.

Thank you, Voreblog, for allowing me to share.

[Ellen hands computer back to us]

Thank you, Ellen!

If there was a throughline to our reading this year, it was food. We began the year on a Michael Pollan kick and ended it with Jonathan Safran Foer’s Eating Animals. In between was Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. You may recall that one of our new year’s resolutions was to eat locally and cook more ourselves. (If we had to grade ourselves, Erin would give herself a “B” while Ben would give himself a “D+.”)

So how do those three books compare?

Kingsolver’s book is the most romantic of the three. For a year she and her family ate only what they could grow on their own farm (or buy locally). No bananas. No oranges. No Pringles. No Hostess Ding Dongs. No Dewey’s Pizza. It sounds dreary, but Kingsolver actually makes it seem desirable. She also acknowledges that she’s #73 on Bernard Goldberg’s “100 People Who Are Screwing Up America” list.

Eating Animals, Foer’s first stab at non-fiction, is a mixed bag. The prospect of fatherhood — and his pet dog, George — leads Foer to reconsider his own eating habits and how he wants to raise his son. This leads Foer to break into a factory farm and relay some truly disgusting revelations about chickens. More philosophical than Kingsolver, Foer is also angrier — he has the zeal of the newly converted. You could argue that his disdain for farms (even the more humane family farms) is simply impractical, and it is. That’s Foer’s point. He wants to provoke. We’d pay money to see him and Barbara Kingsolver in a room together. Extra if Wendell Berry came too. (And really big bucks if Robert Pattinson just happened to wander in.)

Pollan’s Omnivore’s Dilemma is still the food book we measure all others against. While he didn’t quite inspire us to hunt our own boar, Pollan offers a coherent view of everything from the Western diet to the food industry, agribusiness, organic food and the basics of better grocery shopping. In Defense of Food, his bite-size follow-up, sacrifices narrative by focusing on the practical. His new book, Food Rules, releases next week.

Now, without further ado: Our top seven books of the year, conveniently arranged into fiction, non-fiction, and young reader.

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KIDS BOOKS

THE BRIXTON BROTHERS: THE CASE OF THE CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY, Mac Barnett. No book was funnier to read this year than the first entry in the new young reader detective series, The Brixton Brothers. The real mystery here is not why the “Brothers” is plural (there is only one Brixton, the inimitable Steve) but rather why a super-secret stealth group called The Librarians is out to kill our hero for checking out a book on quilting. Barnett is fearless about confronting other impenetrable mysteries too, notably: How do you read a book and dunk a basketball at the same time? Both a spoof and an homage to the likes of Encyclopedia Brown and The Hardy Boys, The Case of the Case of Mistaken Identity will amuse a 32-year-old no less than one who’s twelve.

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WHEN YOU REACH ME, Rebecca Stead. If the Newbery Award is worth anything, this book will win it. A brilliant little puzzle of a book, When You Reach Me is also a sly homage to A Wrinkle In Time. A sixth grader named Miranda begins noticing strange little occurrences all around her: first her apartment key is stolen, then a shoe disappears, and suddenly cryptic notes arrive saying things like, “I am coming to save your friend’s life, and my own.” Whoever is writing the notes knows things about Miranda and the future that nobody should know. Who’s sending them? And why? Around this riddle Stead weaves a story rich with detail and feeling — about growing up, self-discovery, mothers and daughters, and making and losing friends. Plus Dick Clark makes a cameo as a key plot point. Hard to beat that.

(Thank you, Steph Porter and Molly Gillespie, for steering us toward these books.)

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FICTION

MORE OF THIS WORLD OR MAYBE ANOTHER, Barb Johnson. It was not the banner year for short story collections that 2008 was, but 2009 did produce a gem in Barb Johnson’s More of This World or Maybe Another. Johnson’s large-hearted stories trace the lives of New Orleanians trapped in circumstances of abandonment, adultery, heartbreak and desperation; what makes them not just bearable but remarkable (the title story is a wonder to read, and reread) is Johnson’s lean, musical prose, as well as her wit and empathy for all her broken people. They may be unable to escape themselves, but her characters win a sad wisdom just by getting by. What’s not sad is watching Johnson read in person; she’s dry, sharp and witty.

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LET THE GREAT WORLD SPIN, Colum McCann. “Things happen. Things collide,” Colum McCann writes in Let The Great World Spin, a sprawling narrative where a dozen disparate lives — a priest, a prostitute, a judge, his grieving wife — converge in tragedy and wonder. Using Philippe Petit’s walk between the Twin Towers in August 1974 as his inspiration, McCann tries for something almost as virtuosic. It’s no failure on his part if it doesn’t completely cohere — his aim is high and his heart is true. After you’re done reading it, rent Man on Wire for more high-wire hijinks. Then string your own tightrope between your roof and the house next door and amaze the neighbors!

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NON-FICTION

COLUMBINE, Dave Cullen. What could have been a morbid, voyeuristic exercise is, in Dave Cullen’s capable hands, a cathartic release. Recreating the almost minute-by-minute events of April 20, 1999 and weaving in a wide angle perspective both of who Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were and what led them to kill, Columbine is a humane, unflinching book. Cullen gives shape to both the horror of the shooting and a community’s attempt to understand and forgive in the decade since.

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THE BOOK OF BASKETBALL, Bill Simmons. We’ve read no less than three profiles of Bill Simmons and his New York Times-bestseller that all follow the same story line: “Who knew so many people would want to read a 736-page hardcover book about basketball?” Um, how about anyone who has ever read his blog? Simmons combines hoops knowledge with savvy pop culture references to give us, if not exactly the NBA Bible, something we’ll still be quoting chapter and verse for years to come. Yes, some of his references are labored and/or won’t age well (Spencer & Heidi, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, etc.), and he throws John Stockton under the bus (despite ranking him a respectable #25 in the Pyramid of NBA All-Stars), but we’ll forgive him. Perfect bathroom reading. We think Bill would take that as a compliment.

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ZEITOUN, Dave Eggers. Abdulrahman Zeitoun, a driven, successful painting contractor, stays behind in New Orleans while his family evacuates prior to Hurricane Katrina. After the levees break, Zeitoun paddles around in a canoe, rescuing trapped residents, checking in on his properties and feeding abandoned dogs. Then, suddenly, he is arrested. What unfolds from there is shocking. No less shocking is that the same Eggers who wrote the showy, exuberant A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius tells Zeitoun’s story with such restraint and understatement, letting the injustices speak for themselves. The result is a riveting, hopeful book of one family’s survival in a time of chaos.

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There’s a lot on our reading list that we didn’t get to this year, notably Mary Karr’s Lit, Jon Krakauer’s Where Men Win GloryThe Good Soldiers by David Finkel, and The Flat Belly Diet For Men. More on these when we catch up in the new year.

But wait, you’re saying. Isn’t there an elephant in the room? Wearing James Joyce glasses? Weren’t you part of a certain online literary group that tackled Ulysses? And how did that turn out? Did you put that feather in your cap?

Welllllll … yes and no.

Yes, we tackled Ulysses. We even tackled The Odyssey first. The difference? We finished The Odyssey.

Ulysses? Our bookmark remains on page 167, where it has stayed since mid-September.

So no, we didn’t quite put that feather in our cap.

Will we ever return to the events of June 16, 1904? Maybe. Probably not. If our Virgil pulls us out of the mire, there’s a chance, we suppose. (But that very Virgil has, apparently, quit us for good, instructing us in his last comment (dated October 4) to “enjoy [our] tepid hot dogs.”)

Until then, consider it: Joyce 1, Voreblog 0.

(Sigh.)

Again, thank you to guest blogger Ellen.

Coming soon, maybe even tomorrow: The year in TV! Unless we convince sister Bevin to help us with the music list first!

Categories: books
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Best Of The Decade: A Voreblog Readers Forum Ten Years In The Making

December 7, 2009 · 7 Comments

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Everyone who’s anyone as an esteemed cultural critic is slapping together a “Best of the Decade” retrospective, be it magazines (Paste, Entertainment Weekly, New York), newspapers (The Guardian, The Onion), or The Mecum Family. We will attempt no such exhaustive glimpse back in this space — we’re busy enough contemplating the Best of 2009.

However, we invite you to be as exhaustive as you like. What movie, book, CD or TV show defined the aughts for you? When you think back on the 2000s, which piece of art endures?

If The Mecums didn’t put Gosford Park on their Top Ten list, we wonder: What did they put?

Other thoughts scroll through our mind at night. Like:

What album touched the depths of Emily Huie’s soul in the past ten years?

Which film renewed Scott Guldin’s faith in humanity after his tragic pre-millennial dirigible accident?

What TV show — besides “The Gilmore Girls” — did Andrew Cashmere turn to after “Becker” was cancelled in 2004?

And what book — besides It’s Hard Out Here For a Shrimp — did Mike Allen pick up for inspiration when his roller derby career went south after his 2001 career-ending injury?

Of course, you are also welcome to write about, say, the Best Worst Things of the past ten years. Like: The Best Bad Movies of the 2000s. (The A.V. Club ranks Wicker Man #2 on its list.) Or: The Best NBA Players to Root Against. Or: The Best Evil Company Spokespeople.

Invent your own categories.

Be creative.

And comment now!

Categories: Television · books · movies · music
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Happy Thanksgiving!

November 26, 2009 · Leave a Comment

What are we thankful for this year? David Porterfield cooking us breakfast. Not having to wake up at 1 a.m to work tomorrow. Google maps to help us translate Donna Vore’s directions. Bulls-Jazz on TNT tonight. Friends & family. And you reading this blog.

Enjoy your tryptophan coma.

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A Special Mike Allen and Erik Brueggemann Recommends Edition of Friday Recommends: Lots of Things, But Mainly Making Fun of Ben

November 20, 2009 · 8 Comments

When not writing footnotes, Mike Allen (left) and Erik Brueggemann (right) are bodybuilders.

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by MIKE ALLEN and ERIK BRUEGGEMANN

This was an email exchange over a day or so by Mr. Allen and myself (Erik) – I have not fixed any typos cause they’re emails and who the hell cares – it also must be mentioned that one of us sent most of his from his phone and he doesn’t really like capitalizing (it’s too much work). We thank Ben for giving us this opportunity – I thank Ben for allowing me to listen to voicemail messages from Mike complaining that I’m dropping the ball and not getting this done. Mike thanks Paul Rudd.

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M -> E

What are you going to write about?

Are you seriously going to recommend that stupid Coolio cookbook

I guess it couldn’t get much worse than the Kanye West photo or multiple plugs for Joseph-Beth that they’ve been hacking out.

E -> M

them crooked vultures, deadwood (just to see how many times I can say cocksucker² in a paragraph), barb johnson, and jerking off.³

M -> E

He just recommended Barb Johnson. Or was that another plug for where he works?

I was recommending Role Models to him back when it was new. He’s ignored me for nearly a year now.

How could you not find this funny?

E -> M

And I will continue to ignore everything you say – dude, the barb johnson event was last week. This week’s event is with, hold on – do you smell something – it smells like brimstone…

But – seriously, barb johnson writes better than 99% of the other writers out there. Except maybe pete dexter – spooner is hilarious. sample sentence:

“The fish sticks were about as appetizing as a plate full of limp dicks.” (I’m paraphrasing).

While we’re on topic: what about deadwood mike, isn’t that your thing – did you really want to lead off with role models? Really? It’s your bed champ – so which is your preferred method for deadwood absorption – is it the show or the book. Oh, wait? Do you still read books?

I would quote from deadwood (the book) about what a waste a certain bodily fluid is at it puddles on the floor but let’s just let you use your imagination: go get a thimble full of pond water, look at it under a microscope, and see those things – those are amoebas and they will die.

M -> E

Seriously? Barb Johnson is your pretentious-writer-posing-as-a-REAL-artist that you’re pushing now? Because I remember your infatuations with Ray Pollock (2008), Cormac McCarthy (2007), Chuck Palahniuk (2006), etc. etc. etc.¹*

Don’t judge me for picking Role Models. Paul Rudd is the most underrated actor in Hollywood. There I said it. He’s a poor man’s Jason Bateman for Christ’s sake.

I can definitely get down with some Deadwood —  you can NOT beat Ian McShane.  As evidenced by:

I also tried for about a year to get Ben to watch that. I think he rented the first three seasons of Charmed instead. What can I do?

E -> M

1) Pollack still stands, 2) mccarthy would be our dear friend penny, 3) palahniuk has been worthless ever since fight club – is your memory really that bad? It must be since you have forgotten paul rudds performance in – _________ ²* – although he was hilarious in I love you, man.

Ben tried to get me to watch charmed. That and sabrina – ben has a thing for witches – he always wants me to watch the craft with him.

M -> E

Yes, he was hilarious in I love you man. He was also hilarious in Knocked up. He’s great in Role Models. He even wrote the thing. And that douchebag from the American pie movies is even kinda funny in it.

I thought there would be some weird werewolf thing with Ben. Did you see his forearm in those photos from his trip to Cleveland? It looks like Popeye made love to a Chia Pet. Gross.³*

Ok, so what do we have now for the recommends?  Deadwood?  Role models?  Your Barb Johnson book?

Who knew this would be so much work?

E – > M

I believe we are missing some music – can you think of any outstanding music that came out this week? You know how ben is always talking about wilco.

This is work – probably why bens often fall flat but are genius when he doesn’t think about it (perhaps this is an allusion to something besides voreblog posts?¹** What do you think mr. Vore?).

M -> E

I would recommend downloading at least one song (I like No one loves me and neither do I) from the Them Crooked Vultures album.²**

There’s got to be at least one Josh Homme band for everyone and this isn’t a bad intro (heavier than desert sessions, lighter than queens of the stone age or eagles of death metal, less stoned than kyuss).

E – > M

I really have nothing else to day.

What have we learned? Mike likes to make fun of me and vice-versa and we both love to make fun of Ben. Mike and I enjoy the same things. Forced comedic efforts almost always fall flat.³** Doing this was like a homework assignment you procrastinate on until you’re forced to do it by vore+ (hence, my vore recommends post from months ago that was going to be called “babies” that I failed so miserably on and never did). I’m sorry ben and I hope you’ll forgive me but I have three kids. But I will recommend this to vore+ specifically: make a friggin baby – keep on trying and you’ll at least have some fun and burn some calories and you’ll be outstanding parents. And this to Mr. Allen – move in together for the love of christ. Stop dragging your feet. She will let you play with your G. I. Joe’s in your underpants at 2AM – colleen lets me, hell sometimes I even let her be Snake Eyes.

So, to close with – to ben and mike: get’r done.

That is all.¹***

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1.
2. fear not golden readers this is the only one.  I took the rest out.
3. sorry golden readers but ben opened the floodgates.
1* – it must be noted that Mike read Memory Keepers Daughter for fun.  So – I’m just saying.
2* – I really don’t know many rudd movies so I await mr. Leathers to fill in the blank.
3* - it should be noted that Ben is very hairy and he loves telling jokes like this: “I’m on Team Jacob cause I always root for the underdog”: and then he’ll nudge you, and wink and wait for you to laugh.  And I admit, that is one hilarious joke.**
** the joke is actually mine. Ben isn’t that genius.  And yes I do nudge him and wink after I make a joke.
1** – jerking off.  That was too easy.
2** – I would recommend purchasing the entire album at your favorite independent store.
3** – probably my attempts to create more humor by adding these points in at the last minute are also falling flat.
1*** – I will say this – you don’t often get friends like Mike or Ben and when you do you are friggin lucky.

Categories: Friday Recommends
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Sweeneyblog Documents Our Cleveland Adventures

November 19, 2009 · Leave a Comment

See their take (and actual pictures of Erin and Emily at the Jazz/Cavs game) here.

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We Are All Witnesses To Jazz Losses. **UPDATED!**

November 15, 2009 · 9 Comments

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Will Ben and Andrew Cashmere’s friendship survive the Jazz/Cavs game?

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If you’ve wondered what kind of abuse you’re in for by wearing a vintage John Stockton jersey to a Jazz/Cavs game in Cleveland, the worst thing you’ll hear is, “You’re living in the past!” But it also might be true.

The Cavs rallied late to beat Utah 107-103, with LeBron James scoring the final eight Cavs points to seal the win. When Cleveland needed him, James simply barrelled into/through Andrei Kirilenko to get to the free throw line. I can now witness myself: LeBron is pretty good. (Even though his stat line wasn’t exactly gaudy: 21-6-9 plus a nasty block on ex-teammate/traitor, Carlos Boozer.)

Let the record show that my wife was cheering for the Cavs during crunchtime and that she told me, when the outcome was still in doubt, that if Utah won I had to “take that jersey off” while leaving the arena. As if enraged Cavs fans were going to stone us to death or something.

You hate to admit that you didn’t expect your own team to win, but Utah was playing without Deron Williams (taking a leave of absence for personal reasons), starting a rookie backcourt, and on the final night of a four game East Coast swing. I didn’t expect them to win.

So am I disappointed they didn’t pull it out? Yes. I want it all.

Still. Eric Maynor had himself a pretty good game starting in Deron’s place, scoring 24 points in a game high 41 minutes. After Mo Williams stripped him early in the game, Maynor trailed him up the court and picked him from behind. He’d get swiped again and burned at least a couple times before the night was over, but Maynor always came right back at Williams and hit several tough runners in the paint.

Other observations from the nose bleed seats (our tickets from StubHub were in the very last row of the upper deck):

  • Andrei Kirilenko is going without a gelled look this year. His hair is kind of floppish. Makes him look younger. He probably gets a lot of trash talk about it.
  • Mehmet Okur looks even slower in person. But like most Turks, he’s crafty. (He also had a plus/minus of -14.)
  • When was the last time Jerry Sloan started two rookies in the backcourt? Maybe never?
  • Erin wondered aloud which professional sports fans are the most physically fit. Based on her firsthand research, she was willing to go on record with NBA fans. Nobody seriously disagreed.
  • The Cavs’ player introduction video, set to the “Ride of the Valkyries,” features Shaquille O’Neal rising out of Lake Erie like a sea monster.

Now, more photos!

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If you look closely, you can see our noses bleeding.

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“Andrew, we took nine photos of us with flames shooting from the scoreboard. Time to come up with some captions!”

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“Ben, I guarantee our captions will be funnier than Jay Leno.”¹

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“Andrew, remember when that guy thought I was Mormon because I was cheering for the Jazz?”

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“Ben, remember when I sat for ten minutes trying to think of a caption?”

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UPDATE!: Upon reading the post this morning, Erin and Emily Cashmere said, “Way to go, guys. Which of the five almost indentical-looking photos of you two bumped the one and only photo of us you meant to include?” To which Ben responded, “But you were rooting for the Cavs!”

UPDATE #2!: Our friends at SLC Dunk had a similar reaction to last night’s game: “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that good about a loss before.” They also link to a fantastic photo of Kirilenko doing his best Frankenstein impersonation.


1. Photo caption actually written by Sweeneyblog!

Categories: sports
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Saturday Recommends: Cleveland Adventures With Sweeneyblog!

November 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Cleveland, here we are!

We have arrived at the residence of Sweeneyblog to be treated with, in no specific order:

  1. Great Lakes Christmas Ale
  2. “The Jay Leno Show”
  3. Winnie the Basset Hound’s excessive gas
  4. The “Kitten Mittons” (sic) episode from season five of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”
  5. Delicious fruit crepes for breakfast
  6. Insults about Erin’s body odor from young Eleanor

This afternoon we plan to go see Moses Cleveland!

Perhaps some live blogging (or joint-blogging!) may ensue!

Tonight: Erin tries to convince Ben to wear a shirt underneath his vintage Stockton jersey to the Jazz/Cavs game! (Ben promises to give it some thought!)

Categories: Friday Recommends
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Very Special Matt Masterson Edition of Friday Recommends

October 16, 2009 · 8 Comments

by MATT MASTERSON

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Mr. Masterson and his musically defective son, Matt.

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Matt Masterson has very kindly invited Voreblog readers into his life over the past three weeks as we’ve attempted to salvage his musical soul. Today he delivers his verdict.

It’s finally time … time for me to save my soul … time for me to experience real music … to be moved in a way I have never experienced.

I am ready, I am willing, and I want this.

The first step is to admit I am a musical sinner. Then accept my savior and commit my life to them. But who? Who do I choose? Do I go classic and take the Led Zeppelin recommendation? Perhaps a trippy ride with Pink Floyd? Vampire Weekend sounds like they have potential.

This is my soul, right? I can do whatever I want to save my own soul. Why not try two albums and see what happens? Makes sense to me — two albums equals twice the opportunity for eternity. That’s it — that’s the decision. Two albums it is:

1. Radiohead – The Bends

This album was generously provided to me by Voreblog after learning of my severe dislike for Radiohead. The Bends was supposed to be my ticket out of the kiddy table of music and into the big leagues of musical enlightenment. On top of that, adding a little Radiohead to my musical portfolio would finally garner me the respect of my brothers that I so desperately want. I might finally be able to relate when Justin refers to some “sweet bass lick” or Brian sighs at the brilliance of the “musicality.” So with those expectations I jump head first into a full on Radiohead jam session.

In order to improve my odds of enjoying the album I decide to pair the music with one of my favorite things in the world: NCAA Football 2009 on Playstation 3. What could be better than rocking out while destroying Michigan by 40? So as I kick off “Planet Telex” begins and slowly lulls me into a state of contemplation. A strange thing happens as I work my way through The Bends … I hate it.  The lead singer’s voice sounds like Billy Corgan trying to sing after having his foot nailed to a board. Yes, some of the music rocks out and starts to get me fired up. But just as the emotion is starting to set in Radiohead insists on bringing me back down to a sullen, lethargic state of mind, sort of like taking too much cough medicine.

There are a few bright spots: “The Bends” is a really good song that pushes me to a two TD lead in the first quarter. There is something endearing and recognizable about “Nice Dream” but in the end Radiohead fails to capture either my imagination or soul. By the time the final note of “Street Spirit” hits my ears I feel … well … nothing. NOTHING!!! Why God?!  Why must I be destined to musical numbskullery? Perhaps my soul is forever destined to wallow in the depths of musical hell.

But wait … wait! I chose two albums! There’s still hope! I have one more chance at eternity … please let this be it.

Move me! Make we weep like a little child who can’t grab a stuffed animal with that damned claw. Make me so angry that I want to punch my sweet, wonderful wife.

Ok here we go:

2. Muse – Absolution

After a less-than-uplifting start to this soul-saving experiment, all my hopes for a happy eternity are left in the hands of a man named Leathers and his selection of Muse. The good news: I have never heard of Muse and have no preconceived notions of what to expect. The bad news: Radiohead took a piece of my soul with them.

So with that it’s time to flip on the UC football game, turn down the sound, and begin my journey into the world of Muse.

First impressions mean a lot and my first impression is strong. I can feel some muscles in my arms begin to move with each note from the piano. Yeah … this could work … I can do this…. Wait, what is that noise? That racket over top of that lovely piano and guitar combo?  That’s the lead singer, you say? What? Why? Is there some rule that musically talented bands must have whiny singers? Did I not get the memo on this?

Ok … I’m moving past this. Oooh wait, what’s that I hear? A synthesizer! Hello 80’s rock … heck yes!  Now this is a solid start.

“Stockholm Syndrome” is a kick-ass song that gets me fired up and ready to hit somebody. The middle part of the album is particularly strong with the aforementioned “Stockholm,” an appropriately named “Interlude,” and then “Hysteria.” By now I am officially emotionally invested and ready to fight someone … hell yes! This isn’t indifference … this is anger and darkness … this feels good. “Blackout” is another solid effort … the singer does slow well enough that it doesn’t piss me off.

The end of the album leaves me wanting the middle all over again. Nothing real strong to speak of with “Endlessly” competing with “Time is Running Out” as my least favorite song. “Fury” is a good song but doesn’t live up to its name or my expectations of wanting to run through a wall and eat puppies at the end.

So where do I stand? Is my soul saved? Yes and no. Sadly, I think I am stuck existing in a sort of musical purgatory. Radiohead made me a little angry. I just don’t get the attraction … the singer stinks and from my perspective they’re boring. It makes me angry that I am going to have to spend another holiday season listening to my brothers extoll their virtues while I sit by and wonder what the hell I am missing.

Muse has promise. I felt something … I felt energy and a sort of passionate fighting spirit that I don’t get out of most music.  That’s a good sign … but in the end I am left wanting something else … something simple and powerful…. something that is guaranteed to fire me up. So as I finish this post I am left to go back to my old habits and blare the one song I know will move me…

“Should have been dead on a Sunday Morning…”

God bless you, Creed.

Categories: Friday Recommends · music
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Special Reader Participation Edition of Friday Recommends: Saving Matt Masterson’s Soul

October 2, 2009 · 41 Comments

Last week, in response to our most recent Voreplay, someone named “Soulless in DC” wrote to say that he had been accused of “not having a soul.” Why? Because he was indifferent to all things musical. “Is there someone to be truly excited about?” he asked. Not even Radiohead had stirred his heart, a fact that made Soulless’s brothers want to disown him.

That individual was in fact Matt Masterson. Matt’s a good friend of ours. And he needs your help.

Matt needs some joy and sunshine in his life. He needs to connect with his inner rock star. He needs to know that inner rock star exists. He needs to experience what the rest of us do when we pull onto the highway, frogger over to the fast lane and then roll down the window: The recognition that this very good moment can be made perfect only with the right soundtrack.

When Dante envisioned the heavenly realms, he used musical harmony as a metaphor for the harmonious existence of celestial souls in all of Paradise. Macrobius contended (in Commentary on the Dream of Scipio) that sounds from the heavens “had to be harmonious, for they were innate in the Soul which impelled the universe to motion.” And Slash from Guns & Roses once famously stated, “Whenever society gets too stifling and the rules get too complex, there’s some sort of musical explosion.”

Do you see where we’re going with this?

We pressed Matt on something, anything musical that has caused him to toe tap or head bob. He gave us this list:

1. David Gray  2. Keane  3. “Some shitty form of 80s rock”  4. Coldplay  5. Some compilation of Eminem and Jay Z,  and 6. Madden Football background music.

Shed your tears now, people, because we’ve got work to do.

What would you recommend Matt listen to? What album opened up your musical horizons? Which artist was your first?

This isn’t about having the right musical tastes. There are no “wrong” recommendations. This is about saving Matt’s soul. If it’s Tracy Chapman that gets him excited about life, then God bless Tracy Chapman and her “Fast Car.”

So think about it, then comment. Make the most persuasive case you can. Why? Because Matt has agreed to review all the recommendations, after which he will select the one he deems most promising. (This is why you should recommend one album in particular, rather than just an artist.)

At that point, we will purchase the album for Matt (or send him an iTunes gift card to do so himself). Matt will listen to the album and then write about its soul-transforming powers (or lack thereof) in a future Friday Recommends post.

So what’s in it for you? (Besides the satisfaction of potentially saving someone’s eternal soul?) If Matt picks your album, you win a free wallet picture of Voreblog. It’s a tasteful shot from our recent photo shoot with the one and only Jenny Beck.

You need this for your wallet!

And Matt needs a soul!

Comment posthaste!

Categories: Friday Recommends · music
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Asheville: A Photographic Retrospective

September 29, 2009 · 1 Comment

Wedding season concluded for us this past weekend in Asheville, North Carolina. Sarah Davis (now Edge) tied the knot and then, validating her impeccable taste, chose Vancouver for her honeymoon.

The stay in Asheville was all too short. (And a bit waterlogged.) We’ll be going back soon.

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Helloooooo, ladies. [L to R] Bronwen, Meghan, Gail, Erin, Emily, Christy.

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The ladies after a delicious rehearsal dinner at 12 Bones. You ain’t had Baby Back Ribs until you’ve had 12 Bones.

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Cheerwine. Southern Crack.

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The Voglers, Beers and Mrs. Schwerdtmann. Jon G. Beers is looking, desperately, for a grandchild to hold.

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A cross section of Voreblog “Golden Readers.” God bless them.

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Andrew Cashmere, Ben and Mike Cicak debate who’s the brain, who’s the looks and who’s the wild card.

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The rare and exotic Cake Trees, native to the west Carolinas.

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Erin and Jon G. during the father-daughter dance. The boots, the boots, the boots are on fire!

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Jon G., hoping that a well-executed dance floor spin might magically induce pregnancy.

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Susie Beers to Ben: “Have you seen ‘Raising Arizona’? Jon’s ready to pull a Hi.”

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Katie 2, addicted to crack.

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Katie 2 and Katie 1 vie for Katie supremacy.

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The Daniels. They competed in two triathlons earlier that day. In those clothes.

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The band, shortly before Michael J. Fox came on for a killer guitar solo.

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The lucky couple.

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Sweeneyblog on the dance floor. Note the women and children are hiding.

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Some guy dancing with Susie, shortly before Jon G. took him out back.

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