We fear for Sean Penn’s life if Mickey Rourke does not win an Oscar.
Just how savvy is the Voreblog readership when it comes to predicting the Academy Awards? Let’s find out!
Of course, disparaging remarks about Slumdog Millionaire can be shared in a comment thread although doing so will put you on the Voreblog blacklist. We advise you not to go to there.*
Tomorrow: Our predictions! Then Monday: An Oscar recap!
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* = “30 Rock” reference.
[photo: www.eonline.com]
Categories: movies
Tagged: 30 Rock, Oscars, Slumdog Millionaire
The Oscar Nominees Readers Forum includes more than a few recommendations to Academy Voters on what they should (or should not) endorse this year. So we thought to ourselves, instead of us offering a recommendation today, why don’t you recommend something to the Academy Voters. It could be that they burn their copies of Slumdog Millionaire. Or that Underworld: Rise of the Lycans be recognized as a Best Picture nomineee. Or you could recommend that fellow Voreblog readers watch your favorite movie of all time, even if that movie is Snake Eyes. Whatever. Just recommend something.
Or you could recommend something else. Like for your neighbors to stop letting their Great Danes poop in your yard. Or for Howie Mandel to not be given any more TV shows. Or for Sigur Ros to not allow their songs be played on “Private Practice.” Or that mammas don’t let their sons grow up to be cowboys. Or for that two-timing bastard Ricky to take a long walk off a short pier.
Basically you can recommend anything. Just do it here, as opposed to commenting on this post.
Go.
p.s. Last night’s best Tracy Jordan line: “That’s a white myth like Larry Bird or Colorado.”
Categories: Friday Recommends · movies
Tagged: 30 Rock, Readers Forum
For two people who don’t own basic cable, we watch a lot of TV. This year we got a Netflix membership, then we dumped a Netflix membership. (Three cheers for the Cincinnati Public Library system!) And while we watched a lot of “new” TV in 2008, we certainly didn’t watch enough to give you a Top Ten list. So we’re breaking our list into three parts: The Best of “New” TV (television that aired in real time in 2008), The Best of “Old” TV (shows we caught up on), and Our Favorite TV Moments.
THE BEST “NEW” TV OF 2008
4. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. It was a sort of renaissance year for SNL, and the public face of that was Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. The real star, though, was Kristen Wiig, who could make virtually any sketch funny simply by appearing in it. (True to form, SNL is trying to beat a good thing into the ground: see the awful Josh Brolin sketch at a Japanese restaurant where the writers simply told Wiig, “Just play a psychotic, over-the-top woman who jumps through a wall at the end of the sketch.” Please, this is not necessary.) We also have a soft spot for the incredibly dumb MacGruber sketches, particulary the ones with guest star Shia LaBeouf. Of course, Amy Poehler will be missed. (“I’ve got one leg and it can go all night long. Jealous?”)
3. THE WIRE. The “live” part of “The Wire” in 2008 (Season 5) was — let’s be honest — the weakest of the show’s five seasons. But a weak season of “The Wire” is still light years better than almost anything else on TV. At the risk of Erin making Ben sleep on the couch, however, we will refrain from devoting any more space on this blog to “The Wire” than we already have.
2. LOST. A renaissance year for “Lost” as well, as the flash forward format reinvigorated the show and shifted our perpetual confusion from the question “Will they get off the island?” to “What on earth happened after they got off the island?” (And now, “What happened to the ones who didn’t get off the island?”) The quickest, thriftiest season yet, season four also delivered what has been the show’s finest hour to this point: The revelatory, game-changing “The Constant,” which finally (officially) put time travel on the table. We also loved that episode because it featured Desmond (or, as he is known around the Vore household, “Desmond!”, said in breathless, bosom-heaving fashion) and Penny, whose love story — while it appears to have a nice bow around it at the moment — has seemed to us like the through line of the show. Also, we love Benjamin Linus. Love him. You’re going to be rooting for him by show’s end, just you watch.
1. 30 ROCK. We’ve already called it the funniest show on television right now, and we don’t have much to add, except that Tracy Jordan says at least three things a week that we immediately appropriate as our own. If all you wanted were hugs from black people, why didn’t you become host of “The Price is Right”?
THE BEST “OLD” TV OF 2008
LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT at 11:30 p.m. on Channel 64. There was a two month stretch from early June to mid-August when we found ourselves setting everything aside at 11:30, crawling into bed, and watching Vincent D’Onofrio and Katherine Erbe (better known as Anna from What About Bob?) unriddle the latest whodunit perplexing the greater New York City area. “Law & Order” is the TV equivalent of comfort food. It is virtually the exact opposite of “The Wire.” Certain forms of it (especially SVU on Tuesday nights) are insufferably over-the-top. But we were strangely fascinated, possibly obsessed, with D’Onofrio’s Detective Bobby Goran, an uncannily brilliant detective with unmatched powers of reasoning and deduction who had a bit of Columbo in him and could deceive you into thinking he was just some Joe Shmoe in a suit. (He did have to deliver some truly awful bits of dialogue, which was also part of the charm.) We became so attached to Mr. D’Onofrio that we (Ben especially) would get extremely angry when that schmuck Chris Noth was on instead of our Vincent, even when the commercial teaser during the 11:20 “Friends” commercial break specifically featured D’Onofrio saying, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent: It’d be a crime to miss it.” That’s how it felt when D’Onofrio was replaced by a third-rate hothead like Noth: like we’d been robbed. Strangely, we have not watched a single episode for the last four months. But it was a good run, Vincent.
BIG LOVE. Erin disappeared into a Big Love-shaped abyss for about a two week stretch early this summer. You may remember her recommending this one when she resurfaced.
IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA. We were late to the “Philadelphia” party, but it’s good to be here. Anne Evans also paid us a strangely flattering compliment the other day when she said to Erin, “If you didn’t like Ben so much and Ben had a drinking problem, you two would be just like Charlie and the Waitress.”* To which Erin responded, “I’m going to start liking him less immediately.” Yesterday we rewatched the Charlie freak-out scene in the season 2 episode “Hundred Dollar Baby,” when he seamlessly shifts from crying to laughing to violent rage to freakish paranoia and finally full-on wig out in the space of about 20 seconds, all while he is eating a plate of scrambled eggs. This, friends, is acting.
FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS. We have Bevin Beers to thank for introducing us to Bret and Jemaine, although we didn’t know at first if we liked their company. After two or three episodes though, everything clicked. Although Erin is freaked out by Jemaine’s lips, there’s really nothing to dislike about this show unless, like the fruit stand guy, you hate Australians and mistake Bret and Jemaine for Australians even though they’re actually New Zealanders. The “Flight of the Conchords” CD will also perk up any road trip with the bouncy French pop of “Foux du Fafa,” the freaky Bowie tribute “Bowie,” and the power ballad “Leggy Blonde” featuring the hapless Murray, who is the show’s secret treasure. If you haven’t seen the video to “Business Time,” do it now.
BEST TELEVISION MOMENTS OF 2008
Michael Phelps wins eight golds. One of the highlights of Voreblog’s year was when Michael Phelps personally wrote in and shared his favorite poop story. Also, did anyone else enter a weird time warp after Phelps finished swimming, as you got sucked in to watching beach volleyball and then water polo and then gymnastics and track and — whoa! — soon enough it was four-thirty in the morning?
The 2008 NCAA Finals. Every year since 2000, Ben calls Denys Lai (or vice versa) and we share the spine-tingling “One Shining Moment” video at the conclusion of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Final. (This tradition started in 1996 in the Norton Hall lounge. It is amazing the range of sports- and culture-related commentary that we can fit into those two minutes.) This year, we actually had a great game to watch before Luther Vandross took center stage thanks to Mario Chalmers and the comeback Jayhawks.
Game Four Jazz win vs. Lakers in the Western Conference Semis. Utah let a 12-point lead slip away in the final four minutes, then shut down Kobe Bryant and the Lakers in OT to win 123-115. Ben had a heart attack late in the fourth quarter and Erin had to resuscitate him for overtime. He recovered just in time to watch Andrei Kirilenko stuff Bryant twice. (Bryant finished 13-for-33 for the game.) Utah lost games five and six, so this was really all Ben had to cling to until…
The Celtics blow out the Lakers in the Finals. We watched Game Six with the Cicaks. This was honestly the first time Ben could remember being happy about the way an NBA season finished. (He was pleased with the Pistons beating L.A. in 2004, but not this pleased.)
THE MOST DISAPPOINTING SHOW OF 2008
THE OFFICE. Watching the past two seasons has given us a renewed appreciation for the brevity of the British “Office.” Two seasons. Twelve episodes total. One special two-hour finale. Occasionally we dig those DVDs out and watch them again, and it’s still brilliant. The same cannot be said for its sagging American counterpart, which can still on occasion deliver a great line (Michael tasting wine at Jan’s dinner party: “It has sort of an oaky afterbirth”), a great episode (the season 4 finale, “Goodbye, Toby”), and a great guest star (Amy Ryan’s six episode run). But those moments are becoming fewer and farer between.
NEW SHOW WE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU WOULD CRASH AND BURN
MY OWN WORST ENEMY. Show of hands: who saw this show’s cancellation coming the moment they saw the first preview? What, everyone? Everyone except NBC and Christian Slater? Well, it looks like Slater’s hand is half-raised. The only way we can see how this show got green-lighted is if Jack Donaghy really was a network executive.
SHOWS WE’RE CONSIDERING SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH IN 2009
We’re open to your suggestions. Please steer us right.
Coming tomorrow: The Best & Worst of Music!
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* = Did you know Charlie and the waitress are married in real life? As are Mac and Sweet Dee. And Dennis and Liam McPoyle.**
** = We made that last one up.
Categories: Television
Tagged: 30 Rock, Best of 08, Lost, The Wire, Utah Jazz, Vincent D'Onofrio
“I dare you to read two posts about me in one week.”
What? Another Utah Jazz post?, you ask. I thought we only had to be subjected to these once a month, tops.
Well, I (Ben) can’t just let pressing developments among Salt Lake’s finest go unreported for weeks at a time. And I’d qualify Sports Illustrated’s recent profile on Andrei Kirilenko to be a very pressing development.
While SI passes on the chance to ask Kirilenko why he hasn’t updated his website in four years, it does get the dirt on several other issues, such as:
Kirilenko’s “rocky” relationship with coach Jerry Sloan. “It’s not that I don’t like Jerry,” says Kirilenko. “He’s a good person. He’s just from an older generation that treats players like kids. Let’s say your boss comes to you and says, ‘Hey, son. Come here.’ And you look at him like, What did you call me? It doesn’t hurt your feelings, but it doesn’t feel comfortable.” (Sloan is quoted as saying, “I don’t need my players to like me. I need them to play for me.”)
Kirilenko’s seven-year-old son, who is named Fedor. I did not know this.
His wife, Masha, who has given him permission to sleep with another woman once a year. This is old news, but whenever I tell someone I’m a Jazz fan he invariably asks, “Man, what’s with that deal between Kirilenko and his wife?” and I have the same conversation all over again. In the SI article, Kirilenko suggests he has no intention of cheating on his wife. Masha, meanwhile, has issues with Sloan’s coaching style and mouths things to Andrei in Russian when he’s sitting on the bench. I did not know this either.
In NBA action last night the Jazz beat the Kings at ARCO Arena, 99-94. Morris Almond had 12 points and 6 boards in 26 minutes off the bench. One word: Unstoppable. The Jazz did benefit from a curious strategy by Reggie Theus to insert Quincy Douby into the game for the last four minutes (the only four minutes he played) and let him jack up threes instead of getting the ball to, say, Kevin Martin or Brad Miller. But really, the difference was Morris Almond.
Elsewhere, the Knicks and Spurs lost at home and the Lakers had a massive fourth quarter breakdown at Indiana in a 118-117 loss. Troy Murphy’s tip-in at the buzzer bounced around the rim for about five minutes before finally dropping in. And as if it could get any better, I’m suddenly in second place in my fantasy league! This cannot last.
Since we’re already on the subject of the NBA, let’s address the sensitive topic of Stephon Marbury. Specifically the fact that he is a headcase. This has been clear for quite some time. But Marbury’s taking it up a notch. Without Isiah Thomas to kick around, somebody needed to step up for the Knicks organization.
Marbury, as documented last week, refused to play when the Knicks suited up just eight players against the Milwaukee Bucks on November 21. As you might imagine, this didn’t go over well with some of his teammates. Quentin Richardson had this to say:
“The way the situation is, I don’t consider him my teammate. He hasn’t played with us all year. He doesn’t want to play with us. This is the second time. I don’t look at him as a teammate. Teammates don’t do that, regardless what’s going on with the coach. You don’t do that to teammates. We were basically left out there.”
Harsh words, but fair, no? I never expected Quentin Richardson to be the voice of reason, but there you go.
So how did Marbury respond?
“I sat there for three weeks and didn’t say one word,” Marbury told the Post. “I didn’t hear one of my teammates say, ‘Why isn’t Stephon Marbury playing? This is a good system for him, even to play with the second unit and bring more firepower.’
“When things got bad and then worse, guys like Quentin Richardson say, ‘I don’t consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry.’ He didn’t care I was his teammate when I was banished. They left me out for dead. It’s like we’re in a foxhole and I’m facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn’t even give me an honorable death.”
Hmmmmm. This is crazy on about six different levels. You’ve got the Deluded Ex-Franchise Player with Grandiose Notions of his Diminished Talent using a Rather Graphic Analogy to illustrate that his Turncoat Teammates want to Shoot Him In The Head. Does anyone seriously expect that, say, the undrafted Wilson Chandler is going to pull Mike D’Antoni aside and say, “Coach, it’s great that I’m getting PT and all, but shouldn’t more of my minutes be going to Marbury? He keeps mumbling something about ‘an honorable death’ and the guys and I are getting a little weirded out”?
Marbury doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that this foxhole analogy doesn’t work because Marbury refused to go in the foxhole. If you suit up less than eight players in the NBA, you forfeit the game. League rules. So after trades and injuries depleted the roster to eight players with Marbury, you’d think maybe he’d rally for his teammates, seeing as he abides by a strict code of honor and loyalty. But he refused to play. He let seven guys share the 240 minutes of playing time the Knicks had to fill. He may as well have been lobbing grenades into his own team’s foxhole. But now he thinks he’s still in there with them?
I think we’ve all seen this movie before, and it doesn’t end well.
I also worry that Plaxico Burress’s recent crazy streak will incite Marbury into a jealous rage and that he’ll respond by pulling a Tracy Jordan and tattooing his face with permanent marker or making all his teammates a Phil Collins mix tape.
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Don’t forget there’s a Readers Forum going on all this week. The mysterious Andrew Cashmere informed us that there’s an award created in his honor involving spray-painted underpants. (And that white people do indeed love bad memories of high school.) Join the fun here.
UPDATE: Since Marbury has not actually played in a game this year and we do not have ESPN, I didn’t realize that he already has a face tattoo. On his head. He got it this summer. If I was Quentin Richardson, I’d be very afraid about what I might find in my locker tomorrow.
UPDATE 2: My friend Jon offers a minority report on Marbury: He’s being scapegoated. D’Antoni never asked him to play in the Bucks game so Marbury never refused. “They’re trying to run him out of town,” says Jon. “He’s just a symbol of the old Knicks.” I don’t buy this, but we try to present all the viewpoints here for your consideration.
Categories: Television · sports
Tagged: 30 Rock, Utah Jazz
“I watched Boston Legal nine times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.”
Categories: Television
Tagged: 30 Rock
“I was young and confused and your moms didn’t want me around no more.”
The funniest show on television right now is 30 Rock. We like it so much we want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. The sooner you catch up on seasons one and two, the more prepared you’ll be for season three’s premiere on October 30. And the sooner you finish reading this post, the sooner you can start.
If you’re still skeptical, watch this:
Now go get ‘em! (We don’t want the next Arrested Development to pull another Arrested Development.)
Categories: Friday Recommends · Television
Tagged: 30 Rock, Arrested Development
