Category Archives: letters to people who won’t write back
Dear Woman Who Tried To Pay For A 99 Cent Coffee With A Hundred Dollar Bill At The BP On Madison Road This Morning,
We understand that the store’s credit card machine being down was a major inconvenience in your day. We don’t understand why you were paying for a 99 cent coffee with plastic. But that’s another matter. You know who had even … Continue reading
Filed under letters to people who won't write back, retail
Dear Woman Who Needed Two Spots For Her Dodge Caliber Hatchback At The Skyline Chili In Oakley,
We’ll admit at first we thought you were simply incompetent at parking. Wow! we thought. Maybe she’s just blind! But of course we were wrong. What we failed to understand — what sunk in as we sat in our booth … Continue reading
We Are Not That Couple!
We’ve been critical of Paste magazine in the past, but we were rather amused by this back-page offering from the March/April issue entitled “An Open Letter To The Couple Making Out at the Wilco Concert” by Matt Price. Hey, it wasn’t … Continue reading
Filed under letters to people who won't write back, Uncategorized
Dear Pittsburgh Steelers Fans,
First of all, congratulations are in order. You backed what was clearly the best team in the NFL this year. Last night’s dramatic, come-from-behind victory will go down as a Super Bowl classic. Santonio Holmes has become the new Dwight … Continue reading
Filed under letters to people who won't write back, sports
Dear Man Who Let His Great Dane Poop In Our Yard,
No, no, no, don’t feel obligated to clean that up! We know you’re a busy man with things to do, places to go, widows to swindle and upstanding citizens to hoodwink. You’re obviously far too important a person to be … Continue reading
Filed under letters to people who won't write back, poop, Uncategorized
Dear Man Who Was Air-Drumming To Over The Rhine Last Night At The Taft Theater,
We couldn’t help but notice you standing by the stage during the last song before the first encore. We couldn’t help but notice because, although we were all the way up in the balcony, it was still the balcony in … Continue reading
Filed under letters to people who won't write back, music
